I know it's been awhile. There has been a whirlwind of activity going on here. Everything has been coming together so beautifully, I fear that if I post about it, the progress will come to a stop. My prayer throughout this journey, has been that God would open the doors that need to be opened, and close the doors that need to be closed. God has really been answering that prayer. Doors have been opening for us, one right after another. This isn't answering your questions is it? It has everything to do with my previous post.
My heart has really been drawn towards embryo adoption/donor embryos for quite some time. It's just never been a real option for us for one reason or another. I started looking into it more seriously a little over a year ago. That was actually the reason for our first consultation at our RE's office. The doctor quickly squashed my hopes to pursue this route. He said that they didn't allow new patients into their donor program. We had to do treatment through this clinic in order for it to ever even become an option. Even at that, he discouraged us, saying the wait is often more than a year. At this point, it was only known that I had PCOS. We didn't know of anymore contributing factors to our infertility. We've since learned that I also have a blocked tube and elevated FSH, indicating poor ovarian reserve. There are all kinds of roadblocks in the way of us conceiving a biological child. We do know it's possible. We did conceive a child nearly 9 months ago. Biology doesn't concern me though. Being adopted, I know that biology doesn't create a family. In fact, I told Mark on our first real date, that there was a good chance, I would have trouble conceiving a child, and I needed to know if he was OK with adopting.
After our last failed treatment cycle, Mark and I had some discussions about our options. I've reviewed many of these options with you already. Mark's take on things was that we needed to wait on direction from the Lord. My view on it is that without looking at all of the doors, and maybe jiggling a few doorknobs, how are you going to know what doors are open? :) I suggested to Mark that we put our name on the waiting list for donor embryos at our clinic if they would now let us, pointing out that if we did decide this was the route to go later, it would shorten our wait. Remember the doctor told us it was most often more than a year wait for embryos to become available.
At this point, Mark is still leaning towards a traditional adoption. I must go check this doorknob! We met with an adoption agency 2 years ago, and didn't feel peace about moving forward at that time. Before traveling to Boise to meet with them again, I called the local Pregnancy Crisis Center. The director goes to our church. I was really just after information. She wanted to set up a meeting with us though. We arranged the meeting and took an afternoon off to go visit with her. Adoption is certainly not for the faint hearted. There is so much involved. How open of a relationship are you comfortable with with the biological family? The more open you are, the more likely you will be chosen. The home study process alone is quite daunting. You must ensure you have a good lawyer, or agency so that everything is done properly. You must remember not to give the birth parents gifts, or help them directly with living expenses. This can be considered "baby-buying." Even without agency fees, we were amazed at how quickly the legal and medical costs add up. The costs can be anywhere from $7,000-30,000. She overwhelmed us with information. But when we left there, Mark said, "We might as well do more treatment." I'm very thankful for this time we had with her, and the information she provided, but it just didn't feel like a fit for us at this time.
A week or two later I made a call to our clinic to get more information about their donor embryo program. Now I don't know how it is in different medical practices. But every doctors office I have, if I call with questions, I have to leave a message, and someone calls me back later. So that Friday I left a message with the donor coordinator at our clinic. I got a call back from another Nurse Practitioner, saying that the donor coordinator would be out of the office until Tuesday. She called me back on Tuesday. I asked if we were eligible to be put on the waiting list for embryos. She said she thought probably so, but she needed to check with the doctor. She told me there were currently embryos available without wait, but said her list wasn't overly impressive to most. A week later, and I still hadn't heard the verdict from the doctor. So I called the nurse back and left another message. She called me back and said he cleared us. We were ok to use donor embryos.
That week was the longest wait we've had for anything! Everything else has come together so quickly! That day she faxed me a list of currently available embryos. Since that point, it seems I'm calling the clinic every other day. I got the costs for everything, and told Mark. He said... "Wow. Not cheap. If this is where God wants us, He's going to have to provide the money." Funny thing... that night I was going to the bathroom, and an idea came to me. We discussed it, and decided together, if these doors continue to open, this is where we want to be.
We made our pick from the list of embryos available. It's important to remember, these are human beings. We chose a group of 7 embryos, from one family. The genetic mom is 5'1" with brown hair and brown eyes. She is Asian. The genetic dad is 5'10" with blonde hair and brown eyes. When I called the clinic to say that we were interested in them, the nurse said that someone else had already expressed interest in them. She had to give them another chance to make their final decision. She called me back to tell me that those embryos had been removed from the available list.
Because they are ours!!!!
I couldn't be more excited. We have 7 frozen babies! And Mark has told me several times how he is excited about our family. The program is completely anonymous. The donors will never know anything about us, and we will never know anything more about them than we do right now.
From that point, things have continued to come together. We are required by our clinic to undergo a Psychiatric Evaluation. They require this for anyone using donor sperm, eggs or embryos, as well as gestational carriers. The Doctor that does their evaluations just happened to have an opening next week when Mark and I were already planning on being in Boise. Our next hope is that my cycle beings on time to schedule a water ultrasound when our RE has an opening.
This is just thrilling to me for so many reasons. There is so much more I could say, but I fear this post is getting longer than most will want to read. So I'll save more for another day. We appreciate your prayers, and would love for them to continue! We aren't there yet. Just on the way.
