Local Tourists!

We talked about going away for memorial day weekend, but in the end decided against it. I have spent my entire life in Southern Idaho. The problem with spending my entire life in one area is that it's easy for me to overlook the beauty that surrounds me. Mark didn't grow up in this area, and he's not entirely familiar with some of the local attractions. So we

decided to be local tourists. We grabbed our sunglasses, some snacks and the camera and hopped in the car and started driving. I think the farthest we got from home was about 40 miles, but the beauty is amazing when you slow down to admire it! We looked like we were out-of-towners, stopping along the road to take pictures. We really didn't care. We had a great time together. Hope you enjoy some of the pictures from our day!

The beauty of spring

Let me start by saying, I do not have a green thumb. I have one houseplant that has survived for nearly 6 years now, and I'm trying to figure out how! I'm told it's very drought-tolerant! But I am trying! :) We have been in our home for 2 and a half years now. (We moved in 18 -months to the day - from our wedding date. So here is a look around the beauty of spring at our house.

Last year I was given a gift certificate to a local nursery. I looked and looked, but couldn't decide on what to choose. Finally I decided on a chinese wisteria. I chose it because of the beautiful flowers pictured on the tag. I was saddened to find out later that it only blooms in spring, and I had already missed it's flowers for the year. Yesterday I was outside pulling weeds, and I looked up to see this beautiful delicate flower. So far it's the only bloom on the vine. I'm hoping for more. I wish I could make this picture a scratch and sniff. The smell of this flower is amazing! I really need to work on something for this Wisteria to climb on!



Our first spring in this home, I kept my niece while my sister was a a retreat. As a thank you gift, she gave me his clematis. It's got some beautiful blooms on it as well. I hope it will grow bigger this year than it has in past years. I need to get myself some miracle grow for this one! There is lattice on op of the fence behind the trellis. I'd love for the clematis to take over the fence!

And here is a glimpse into my "secret garden." I created this last year. It's a work in progress. But there are several things that have come back from last year. I'll take more pictures as more things come into bloom. Part of yesterday's work was to plant the moss between the stepping stones of the garden floor. I chose the moss because it is fast growing. I'm hoping it takes over all the cracks quickly! The floor of the garden is made up of cement stepping stones that are molded to look like stone. When I started the garden, I envisioned a large stone floor that had been broken into many pieces, with ground cover growing in the cracks. I'm getting there.


I'm still waiting on my lilacs to bloom, so you'll have to wait to see pictures of those. The bushes are sure growing though! They were the first thing I planted our first spring in our home. They were planted even before the grass. When we had nothing but a dirt lot with a house in the middle! So more pictures to come as spring continues to progress around us!

Our Anniversary

4 years ago today, I married my prince charming. It was a beautiful wedding, on a breezy and cool, but still lovely day. I remember it well. Today we celebrated that day. Mark and I both took the afternoon off of work. I made it home before Mark did, so I did a couple of things around the house. I replaced the broken keypad on the keyless opener for the garage. Mark came home and we went to town, did a little bit of shopping. We got Mark a fishing pole and some accessories as his anniversary gift. We then went to lunch together and had fajitas. MMMMM! Our favorite place for fajitas is still Cafe Ole in Boise, but that's 2 hours away. So we decided to try out a mexican restaurant we hadn't eaten at before. It was wonderful. The service was great and the food was very good as well.

After lunch Mark took me to the mall and I go a pedicure. It was a wonderful relaxing time. She offered to paint a flower on my toe. turned out very well. Even if you can't see it in the picture very well. Once the pedicure was complete, Mark and I took a short drive. Then we came home, and I took a nap for about an hour. Mark woke me up and it was time for our Lifegroup bible study. All in all a wonderful anniversary!

Mother's Day Survival

After an emotionally tough weekend I think I've survived Mother's Day. It was definitely not without tears. I did have a couple of family members acknowledge our loss, and the difficulty I was having with the holiday. I gave myself a backup (or maybe better put, back out) plan in case I wasn't up to the normal family festivities. I delivered my brother's birthday gift, and my mom's mother's day gift both on Saturday. In the end I decided to go.

Thanks for those that were praying for me. I know that was a huge help in getting me through the day.

Big step

I have struggled with Mother's Day a lot over the last few years. This year is different. This year I am blessed to be able to say I AM a mom. I've never been able to say that before. While I'm blessed to be able to say I'm a mom, I'm also still very grieved at the passing of our child. The physical part of my miscarriage is finally over, but the emotional aspect still lingers. That's one thing I think a lot of people don't understand. This wasn't just a pregnancy that didn't work out. We had a baby and it died. I feel like there are some people that don't understand this, and are maybe a bit critical that I am still grieving. I would like to challenge them to hold onto that criticism until they have walked a mile in these shoes.

Wow, have I gotten sidetracked or what? I came to talk about a big step I took today. My birthday was February 1, right in the midst of our treatment cycle. I was so hopeful for this cycle, that when I received a mall gift certificate from my sisters, I knew EXACTLY what I wanted to use it for. I was going to save it for the long awaited maternity clothes. I have been saving that gift certificate in the bottom of my purse all these months. Every time I've thought about spending it, that thought was met with a great deal of sadness and anxiety. Today I used it to purchase a new bible. It's an Message/NIV parallel bible. I'm excited about it.

On a side note, I would like to ask for prayer for a blog-friend Ramona and her husband Wade. This mother's day will be particularly hard for them as they just learned yesterday of the loss of 2 more of their precious children to a failed IVF treatment, bringing their total number of children in heaven to 6. I know the pain I feel at the loss of one child, I can't imagine that compounded. Please pray for these dear people.

Touched

When Mark and I met, he was a youth minister at his church, and I was doing youth and children's ministry at mine. After we married, we did the children's ministry together, and Mark did music ministry at the small church I belonged to. For various reasons, we left that church about 2 and a half years ago. Sadly, since then, we have been going to church very casually-- Never REALLY getting involved. Mark wanted to, but I think I resisted. I don't even want to get into the reasons, or worse, the excuses for this. Last Sunday after church, I walked by a table, and signed us up for a small group. Our church now calls them "Lifegroups- Do life Together."

We know one of the couples that co-hosts this lifegroup, so that helped me in choosing this group. It's specifically for married couples. We went tonight. There were 5 couples total at this Lifegroup. We opened by introducing ourselves. Then We sang a few worship songs. The Last Song was "Lord You're Beautiful"

"Oh Lord You’re beautiful

Your face is all I seek

For when Your eyes are on this child

Your grace abounds to me."

When we sang this song, the tears really began streaming down my face. I didn't want to cry. I just couldn't stop it. I want to reach a point that His face is all I seek. It seems that over the last few years I've wanted to be a mom so bad that I spend a whole lot of energy seeking that. Probably more than I spend seeking Him. This must change. The other part of that really got me was this: "For when Your eyes are on this child, your grace abounds to me." Think about those words. Soak them in. Wow. When are His eyes not on us? Even as I have felt a whole range of emotions after losing our only baby, God has had his eyes on me, and I have been surrounded by His grace. I just felt so touched. I want to cry again now.

Silly blood pressure!

I had to go back to the doctor's office again today. Just to have the nurse check my blood pressure. Late last week Mark and I went to our favorite store Costco and bought a blood pressure monitor. My blood pressure was a whole lot lower at home than it was at the doctor's office for my last appointment. Interesting huh? So I took my monior with me to the doctor's office today. I checked my blood pressure at work in the morning, and it was 127/76. At the doctor's office, as soon as I walked in the door and was standing in line, I felt myself getting anxious. When she checked me, it was 142/87. So either I have a funky monitor, or I'm freaking out at the doctor's office. Which in light of doctor's appointments over the last couple of months, isn't out of the question. I pulled out my monitor and checked, and it was very close to what she got. So I don't have a funky monitor.

Silly blood pressure!

Doctor's Appointment

I had an appointment with my general family doctor yesterday. Wow.... how exhausting! Don't ya love it when they make you take your clothes off and sit in a room and wait on them. :) Looking around the room there were all kinds of mommy and me type things. I could feel the tears welling up. When the nurse came in, first of all, there were the apologies. She felt so bad about the congratulations call a couple of weeks ago. When she took my blood pressure it was abnormally high. The nurse left, and I was alone in the room. Being alone with my thoughts is still hard. Left alone with them very long, I lose it. Then the doctor came in. All he could say at first was "Darn, Darn, Darn, Darn, Darn." Doctor Irwin is such a nice man. He did the initial exam and then had the nurse, Laurie, come back in for my pap. Normally I'd go to my doctor in Boise for this, but I just didn't want to mess with the travel for just a pap. Dr Irwin said he'd send the results to Dr. Lowder and Dr Foulk in Boise for me.

After my pap was done, they talked with me about the high blood pressure, and of course, the need to lose weight. They they asked how I was doing. All in all, I cried, and they both listened for about 45 minutes. That's a great doctor for ya! Yes, you do have to wait in the waiting room FOREVER there at times, but I guess it makes it better knowing they aren't afraid to spend time on someone who needs it. It was very validating for me. Most people in my day to day life don't know what to say. So they don't say anything. Sometimes I just want to scream. My baby died, and my life changed forever. Life is back to normal for everyone else. I know Mark hurts. He just doesn't say it, or show it.

Ok, enough of the babbling! My current mission is to work on my blood pressure! I want to do another ovulation induction & IUI cycle, but I'm not sure when that's going to happen.

Home Improvements

I've been a bad blogger lately. I haven't updated in about a month. I've been working on a home improvement project for awhile. My original intent was for dictraction from recent life events. I really threw myself into this project. Giving it every spare minute. I think it really turned out beautifully. We got a screaming good deal on cheap (errrr uhhhh, reasonably priced) ceramic tiles. Then I splurged on the accent tiles. Those really make the design. I designed the layout myself, and Mark and I helped my dad lay the cement board, and then my dad and I did got a good portion of it done while Mark was out of town for work.

Here are before and after pictures as well as some construction pictures.