Big step

I have struggled with Mother's Day a lot over the last few years. This year is different. This year I am blessed to be able to say I AM a mom. I've never been able to say that before. While I'm blessed to be able to say I'm a mom, I'm also still very grieved at the passing of our child. The physical part of my miscarriage is finally over, but the emotional aspect still lingers. That's one thing I think a lot of people don't understand. This wasn't just a pregnancy that didn't work out. We had a baby and it died. I feel like there are some people that don't understand this, and are maybe a bit critical that I am still grieving. I would like to challenge them to hold onto that criticism until they have walked a mile in these shoes.

Wow, have I gotten sidetracked or what? I came to talk about a big step I took today. My birthday was February 1, right in the midst of our treatment cycle. I was so hopeful for this cycle, that when I received a mall gift certificate from my sisters, I knew EXACTLY what I wanted to use it for. I was going to save it for the long awaited maternity clothes. I have been saving that gift certificate in the bottom of my purse all these months. Every time I've thought about spending it, that thought was met with a great deal of sadness and anxiety. Today I used it to purchase a new bible. It's an Message/NIV parallel bible. I'm excited about it.

On a side note, I would like to ask for prayer for a blog-friend Ramona and her husband Wade. This mother's day will be particularly hard for them as they just learned yesterday of the loss of 2 more of their precious children to a failed IVF treatment, bringing their total number of children in heaven to 6. I know the pain I feel at the loss of one child, I can't imagine that compounded. Please pray for these dear people.