More thoughs I've been thinking...

Here I go with a controversial topic.  What am I thinking putting this out there for the world small handful of blog readers I have left to read?  I conflict.  I hate confrontation.  But yet, here I am.  I have some more thoughts I've been thinking today, and I'm going to use my blog to process these thoughts.  I really should be sleeping.  But here I go.

I will start by saying, I believe life begins at conception.  I believe that abortion stops a beating heart.  Conclude what you will from that.

Before I left the workforce to spend my days in my jammies eating bon-bons and watching daytime tv stay home with Emma, I worked in an office building.  The main entrance to that office shared a small entryway with the local branch of what is known in pro-life circles as one of the nations largest abortion providers.  (Note I'm purposely not mentioning their name here.)  I've been told that abortions are not performed in this specific branch, but rather referred to another branch in a larger city.  Every year in the 40 days leading up to Easter, pro-life groups would stand in protest daily outside this office building.  It is my understanding that it is a national campaign.  I believe a fair number of these protesters go to my own church.  (We drove by that building today, sparking this stream of thoughts.)

Each day as I walked into my office, I would be embarrassed.  Why?  Why was I embarrassed?  I certainly wasn't going to have an abortion.  Wasn't even considering it.  Wasn't even entering that clinic.  Then there's the pesky fact, that thus far my body has been unable to successfully sustain a pregnancy.  Most days these protesters never said a word to me.  They didn't have to.  The judgment and condemnation oozed from their pores.  This condemnation was directed at anyone walking toward that building.  They did try to force literature on some of my co-workers.  I wonder is this REALLY the way to go?  I guess only God truly knows how effective this tactic is. But I can tell you, it left a seriously bad taste in my mouth.  Out of the nearly 6 weeks that the protesters were there daily, only two ladies kindly greeted me.  I wanted to hug them, but instead thanked them for their kind greeting, and told them that made a difference in my day.

Yes, there are people out there who have repeated abortions, as some sort of means of birth control.  But I'm guessing far more than that feel they are simply not in a place in their life to care for a child, they probably feel scared and backed into a corner, with no other way out.  So, if you've never experienced an unplanned pregnancy (as I have not) step outside yourself.  Imagine you are now facing that.  Would you rather be met with judgment and condemnation, or love and compassion?

At times I've felt looked down upon for choosing domestic infant adoption.  I've heard people say, "Why wait on a list for a newborn, when there are hundreds of thousands of kids waiting in foster care in our own country, and even more in orphanages abroad?"  My answer to that would have to be that choices made in growing one's family are deeply personal.  It took many years, and we wholeheartedly believe that this was what God had for us.

I've been doing a lot of thinking on open adoption over the past few days.  We are part of a semi-open adoption.  I have been so blessed to see the healing begin to take place in Emma's birthmom's life.  I'm not saying that the whole thing is easy for her.  I know she misses Emma.  I know at times she grieves the fact that Emma is not in her everyday life.  But she has also expressed to me that she does not regret her decision.  Oh how that blesses this adoptive mama's heart.

Recently I read an exchange between Emma's birthmom and some of her friends on facebook, and all I could do was cry.  I don't know for sure what her stand was on abortion previous to now.  However she was expressing how she would like to see abortion become illegal, and that adoption was the way to go.  She shared a bit of her adoption experience.  She outed herself on facebook.  Before this she had kept her pregnancy with Emma and the whole adoption on the down-low.  Only a select few in her life knew.  Now she is ready to spread the word about the beauty that can be found in adoption!  As I reflected on these thoughts today... not to toot our own horns, but... well... Mark and I are going to have to take a little credit there.  Follow my logic for a moment.  We have taken great care to do everything we can to provide the best possible adoption experience we can for Em's birth parents.  This is not to say that it has been easy for them, or that we have done everything perfect.  However, we have stayed true to our promises as far as our openness agreement.  We have shown love and care for them.  We will always honor and respect them in our home as the people who chose life for our daughter.  I don't want our attitude or actions to ever make them regret their decision.

I'm certainly not trying to infer that we did some great and noble thing in adopting Emma.  It couldn't be further from the truth.  Our motives were quite selfish.  We wanted a child.  Adoption vehicle God used to add a child to our family.  I think the "savior complex" in adoption is a slippery slope.  Children don't need saved.  They need FAMILIES and love!

I'm also not trying to suggest that everyone is called to adopt.  But that doesn't mean you can't make a difference.  You can financially support, and/or volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center.  You can help someone who is called to adopt.  There are many ways.

So I am left wondering, which truly has a larger impact on someone considering abortion... The words of a woman who chose an adoption plan for her baby and doesn't regret it, or the judgmental looks, and condemnation from someone holding a sign outside an abortion clinic?

So those are the thoughts I've been thinking.  It's now 2 am.  I really should go to sleep soon.  Stupid daylight savings...

Thoughs I've been thinking...

I don't know if there's a point to this post, but I'm going to post it.  It's just some thoughts I've been thinking.  Let me start with this.  I don't like to debate.  I know this may very well spark some debate (if anyone sees it).  But I'm going to say it anyway. I guess sometimes I've got to get a little uncomfortable.


A high school friend posted on facebook over the weekend about finding an african american doll was on clearance at Target, while it's caucasian counterpart was not.  My initial reaction was to share her frustration.  I wanted to think it was some ugly commentary of corporate America.  However the more I thought of it... it speaks more of us as a society than it does Target.

I simply can't fault Target.  Target is practicing simple economics.  A company purchases items to sell in their store.  They are out money until that item sells.  They don't want items sitting on their shelves for months on end.  They want to sell it and get their investment back (plus the obvious profit that keeps them in business).  If an item goes too long without selling, they are going to focus on recovering their investment into that item (clearance!!) and open that shelf space up for something that will make them a quicker and or better profit.

It's really no different than the stroller I bought last month.  I searched Amazon for the brand and model I was looking for.  The red one was $30 cheaper than the other colors.  Does that mean that amazon hates red?   No.  It means that color is discontinued, or not moving as well as the others.

So if if an evil corporation isn't the problem, who gets the blame here?  I guess we do.  How many of us have purchased a brown skinned doll?  Have you?  Until I became the parent of a bi-racial child, I can honestly say I hadn't.  I didn't have them as a child.  Then again, I live in rural, predominately white Idaho.  This doesn't mean I think everyone is some sort of big racist.  I think it's only natural for us to look for something we can easily relate to--especially in purchasing a doll for a little girl.  Emma received a couple of soft, plush "my first baby dolls" as gifts.  But when it came time for me to buy a doll for her, I looked at the plush cabbage patch.  I looked for one with brown hair, brown eyes, aaaaaaaand a nice creamy latte tan skin.  It looks like her.  It's relatable. (I can't figure out the spelling of that word, maybe it isn't a word--did I just make it up??)

What's worse than a clearance doll, and I think what initially came to my mind when I read the facebook post was adoption fees.  I know this doesn't jump into the minds of people who haven't been directly involved in adoption, but did you know that some adoption agencies reduce fees to place african american children for adoption?  It's horrible.  Or, at least it sounds horrible.  Then again, it can be argued that the same rules of supply and demand apply.  The fact is, there are less people willing to accept placement of a child from outside their own race, making it more difficult to place children of minority races.  Once again, I'm outraged at first thought.... and then upon further examination, the blame falls in the same place.  Us. Society.


I'm not trying to push my views on anyone, or condemn those who chose to adopt from the same race.  It's just some food for thought.  Our daughter is bi-racial.  Most people who look at her don't see it, but we have to be much more deliberate with respect to race in our parenting.

No one has asked, but I'm sure someone is wondering... so I'm just going to say it.  Our agency did not offer reduced fees for trans-racial placements.  God just chose her for our family.  Oh, and I went to Target today in search of the deal on the brown-skinned baby doll to buy for my girl, but it was already gone.  I'm glad someone bought it!