Lessons in infertility

There really isn't much to update, but I know there are people checking often for updates. We are still exploring options and praying about what God has for us. One option that my heart has been very drawn to for some time is called Embryo Adoption or Embryo Donation. Please know that I am by no means an expert in this area, but I'm going to give you the information as I understand it from my readings and following the journey of several friends.

Both Embryo Adoption (EA) and Embryo Donation (ED) operation on the same basic concept. When a couple goes through invitro fertilization (IVF), the ovaries are stimulated to produce as many eggs as possible. The eggs are then retrieved and then combined with sperm (sometime the sperm is injected directly into the egg, and sometimes the sperm are allowed to do their own thing) to produce embryos. Because this is an expensive and very involved process and it is never known how many will actually fertilize and grow, many embryos (sometimes as many as 20 or more) are created.

If you believe as I do that life begins at conception, each of these tiny embryos, far too small to be seen by the naked eye, is a life, precious in the eyes of our Creator. The couple and their medical team decide together how many of those embryos will be transferred back into the woman's uterus. As is the case in a natural cycle, not every life conceived will implant and grow. Most often 2-3 embryos will be transferred. Caution must be exercised though, because each of them could implant, resulting in a multiple pregnancy, that can be very difficult on the health of the children and mom. The remaining embryos are frozen, awaiting the outcome of the transfer (often referred to as a fresh transfer-because those embryos initially transferred have never been frozen.) If that cycle fails to produce a pregnancy, or if it produces a pregnancy, and the couple wishes to have more children, then some of the frozen embryos are thawed and transferred into the mom. Very sadly not all of the embryos will survive the thaw. Success rates for a frozen embryo transfer (FET) are not typically as high as for a fresh cycle. Even after several subsequent cycles, there are often embryos remaining. Once the couple has decided their family is complete, or their journey on this path has come to an end, there is a huge decision to make- What to do with their remaining embryos.

One choice is to allow them to be destroyed. Another option is to donate them for research. Thankfully for some people these are not options. At this point, they are left with two more options. They can continue to pay for storage indefinitely. Or one final option is to allow them to be adopted, or to donate them through Embryo Adoption or Embryo Donation.

The difference between EA and ED is minor. Through ED, the donating couple will often notify their clinic that they want to donate the embryos to another couple. From my understanding this is most often a closed process. The donating couple will know little or nothing about the receiving family. They can also choose to find a couple on their own through word of mouth, or through various websites.

With EA, there is a paperwork and home study process much like a traditional adoption. This allows for more of a screening process, and allows the donating family to have a great amount of control in deciding on a family for their embryos. This allows more room for the genetic family and the adopting family to decide on how open they want the relationship to be.

Babies resulting from ED/EA are often referred to as snowflakes, because no two are the same. Each is unique. There is an EA program called Snowfakes Embryo Adoptions through Nightlight Christian Adoptions http://www.nightlight.org/snowflakeadoption.htm . There is also an embryo adoption program through Bethany Adoptions http://www.bethany.org/A55798/bethanyWWW.nsf/0/1CA188422535A9E8852572750070B241 . Both websites have a lot of information about the process, and testimonies of families that have grown their family through this path. Looking at the pictures of those precious babies, it's amazing to me that people can still call extra embryos as "medical waste."

At this time, an actual legal adoption process isn't required, just legal contract for a transfer of property. While I find this very sad to refer to these lives as "property", it has its good point in that it takes away a lot of the red tape and makes the process easier and less costly. Once that contract is signed, the donating family has no legal claim to the embryos or the child born from this process. On the birth certificate, the receiving family are listed as the mom and dad.

At this point, I am in the process of finding out about receiving donor embryos through our clinic. My heart has really been pulled in this direction since I first heard about this option almost three years ago. I can't even put a finger on what about it appeals to me, but it something sure does. I have a news story about "the other side of the stem cell research debate" that I recorded on our DVR from August of 2005. It tells the story of a family that was grown through EA, and shows both the adopting family and the genetic family.

Exploring the the possibility of using donor embryos was actually the reason we first went to our clinic a year ago. After the 6 rounds of clomid and one IUI we did with my gynecologist, I wanted to go straight to using donor embryos. The doctor laughed at me and said I was giving up before we really tried. They have a policy that they never let new patients go right to donor embryos. They must have failed treatment through this clinic. Now that we have done 2 cycles there, and have no baby, I'm hoping they will allow us on their wait list for donor embryos. When I talked to the ED coordinator at our clinic last week, she said she would talk to the doctor and get back to me. She said that there are currently embryos from several different donors available.

Knowing they have embryos available makes me so excited I could wet myself! If it were my choice, I would start the ball rolling on this tomorrow. But alas, it is not all about me. We are praying that the doors that need to be opened will opened, and if the doors God does not want us to go through would be tightly closed.

Wow, this has turned into quite a long post. I guess that's why I haven't talked much about it before. It's just so exciting to me, I have so much to say about it!