Final Countdown

It's Tuesday. . . (Actually, Tuesday is almost over, I'm tired and ready for bed. But that's beside the point) It's one week until transfer! I'm starting to get some butterflies. I haven't been posting much, because there isn't a whole lot to post.

Mark has been giving me twice weekly estridol shots. Those are on Tuesday and Friday evenings. I have been going for weekly blood draws. Now that the holidays are over, those tests are on Tuesday mornings. I am able to take the lab orders to the local hospital, and the send the results to my clinic in Boise (a couple hours drive away). For that I am so thankful. I can't imagine having to make the trek to Boise for each of these tests!

Our preparation will intensify this weekend as several other medications are introduced into the mix. I'll get into that more as we get closer. I'm also making preparations at work, and home for several days of bed rest following the transfer. I'm had been hoping to do some cooking and freezing to make meals easier. Not so sure that is going to happen. Oh well, thank goodness for the freezer section at Costco, and the Schwans man! :)

In other news, I have a little sign on my desk at work that says "Let it Snow." Most people think I want a snowstorm. It's really just a reminder of our little snowflake babies. We got quite a snowstorm today! 5 and half inches!

LOOK!!! 2 hands...

The real countdown is on! As of yesterday we can count on two hands how many days until our transfer. It is all be coming so real. I believe the kinks and miscommunications have been worked out in our thaw plan. I'm not sure that there was ever a problem, but my coordinator was not there for my lining check, and the other NP's were grossly misinformed. Once this is all over, I might make a complaint. They really sent me in a panic by misinterpreting my coordinators notes. She has added some clarification to her notes, and added a request to call me on the day of transfer if they feel it necessary to thaw more than one straw, so that we can discuss it. The last thing I want in this process is to disregard the value of each individual life. That was a big part of our decision to pursue embryo adoption was to honor life!

Subtle hints

Silent screams for attention? Something tells me it's time to get off the computer? Maybe?


In other news, I had to write a large check to the clinic today to pay for the transfer etc. WOWSA! Makes it all the more real. I got my "To-go sheet" that has all of the instructions to get ready for the transfer.

All went well with the ultrasound. My lining is right on track for a transfer on 1/15. I do have some concerns to work out with the clinic about how many embryos to thaw. I would covet your prayers that this can be worked out in a way that would glorify God and show the very deserved respect for the lives of each of these embryos. The last thing I want to do is lose sight of the things I believe in my pursuit to have a child.

It's getting so close

Oh, it's getting so close, and the nerves are kicking in. It's just a little over two weeks until the target transfer. My mind keeps trying to wander to the things that could go wrong. I have to remind myself that God has opened these doors for us, and leave it in His hands. We are not on this journey by accident. God has a plan in all of it. Even when my plans do not line up with His, I have to know that His plans for me are good. That doesn't mean that it is without suffering, but He will never give us more than we can handle. I was reminded of this visiting a church today where an old friend was speaking. Once again, not by accident.

2 Corinthians 4:7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed--

Today's bloodwork update...

I went first thing this morning for the blood work I mentioned in yesterday's post. Nothing too exciting. I got a call this afternoon that my Estridol level is a little under where they would like to see it for this time in my cycle. I was at work, and didn't write down the number she told me. I really wish I would have. I'll remember next time. In any case, they are having me increase the dose of my Estridol Valerate injections from .15 to .2 Still just twice a week. My next blood test will be Monday. I'm REALLY praying everything is still right on track next Wednesday when I go for my ultrasound. I've had thin lining issues in the past, so they won't transfer the embies if my lining isn't at a proper thickness.

Since Mark will not be able to go to Wednesday's appointment with me, tomorrow night we will go have our dear friend Angie notarize his signature on the last of our consent forms. Very exciting. Getting closer and closer!

Wonderful Christmas, and cycle progress

I'm happy to report that we had a wonderful Christmas. Christmas Eve, I worked all day. After work we went to my parents house for the evening. We played had dinner, my mom provided gifts for a gift exchange accompanied by a cute little story about the "Wright Family." Every time the word right, write, Wright etc was said, gifts had to be passed to the right. Every time left was said, gifts had to be passed to the left. We finished off the evening with family with a little boxing and other games on the Wii. Lots of laughs and fun. Christmas morning we went to my sister's house for gifts with my side of the family. Then about noon we went to Mark's parents house for gift exchange with their family, and lunch. We started a movie, but came home before the movie was over.

We finished off the evening with Mark giving me a shot of Estridol Valerate. This was my second injection of this cycle. However Mark's mom gave me the first shot, to demonstrate technique for Mark. I'm happy to report Mark did fantastic. I barely felt a thing! So at least we know the twice weekly injections of the Estridol shouldn't be a problem. The jury is still out on the Progesterone in Oil. That is a larger needle, thicker oil, larger amount to be injected, and it's daily. I'm still not to excited about that part, but it's part of the process. Tomorrow I will go for a blood test to monitor my estrogen levels. They want to make sure I have a "therapeutic level" in my blood. From what the nurse practitioner explained to me, too much E2 acts as a contraceptive, too little won't build up the lining of my uterus in time for our transfer. Lots of needles involved with this process.

Our evening in the Castle

There are so many details in our suite, it would be impossible to show everything. Here are a few of them. Entering the room, the jacuzzi tub is nestled in the rocks to one side, just outside the castle walls. From there, you walk over a draw bridge across the moat complete with an alligator and all! The suite was two levels, with the dining room downstairs, and the round bed upstairs in the turret. The turret had a domed ceiling with a flat screen TV mounted above. (I think that was Mark's favorite part). The upstairs has an overlook to the moat and bathtub below. It's such an expensive place to stay, we can't afford to go there often, but it's always such an enjoyable experience, and a wonderful time to reconnect. We got a gift certificate good for any room at Costco, so we were able to stay in one of the most expensive suites. What a fantastic Christmas gift to each other.

We're on our way!!

We had our plan of care meeting, lining check ultrasound, and injection training yesterday. It was a very informative meeting. We have our appointment times set up for lining checks and our transfer!! SO Exciting!

All is well with my lining. It's right where it should be for the beginning of my cycle. The cyst that was found in my last ultrasound early November has started collapsing. All is well, we're on our way! Our coordinator gave us some consents to sign, and some more consents to take with us and read through and bring back to the next lining check. We reviewed the medications, and how to give the injections. I now have a large black sharpie circle drawn on each bum cheek as targets for Mark. The first injection was today. We will continue to do these injections twice a week. In addition to this set of injections, we both began a 10 day course of antibiotics to ward off any underlying infections, and I began a daily regimen of low dose aspirin. Lots and lots to keep track of. I will go for blood work in a little less than a week to check my estrogen levels. From that they will adjust my medication levels for injections.

Tonight was the first injection. Although we had targets on my bum, we both felt best about having Mark watch a professional do a shot once before he started. It just so happens Mark's mom is a nurse. We went by her office after work, and I prepared the medication, the three of us stepped into the bathroom, and she gave me the shot. I really didn't feel it. Gives me happy feelings for what is to come. I was dreading these injections. I should mention these are intramuscular injections, not subcutaneous as I have given myself before. For those new to this journey, or just following along on our journey, intramuscular means a bigger needle, given into the muscle, subcutaneous is just under the skin, with a skinny little tiny needle.

In other news, Mark and I stayed at a wonderful theme suite bed and breakfast last night. This was our third stay there. We stayed for our wedding night, and one night last week. It's such an expensive place, but so well worth it in our books. It's a wonderful time together reconnecting and just being with each other. Tomorrow I will post pictures of our stay in "Sleeping Beauty's Castle."

Long time no update

I haven't updated in quite awhile. I'm not sure why either. I have been in a bit of a funk for a little bit. I lack motivation to do much, but I've forced myself to get the holiday stuff together. This is totally unlike me. I really didn't want to decorate for Christmas, I really didn't even want to hang Christmas lights. That is REALLY not me. I don't know if it's just that my mind is already anticipating January, or if the birth control pills are affecting my moods. Both are likely true. However over the last couple of weekends I have gotten myself together, and gotten the decorating and shopping pretty much complete. Most of the gifts are wrapped and several are under the tree. My plan is to have everything else "wrapped up" in the next few days.

In other news, my body has been less than cooperative this last week, resulting in a frantic phone call to the RE's office on Friday. I was quire sure this was going to throw a wrench in the timeline. The nurse assured me that all was not lost. As of now, the plan is still on track. Tonight is my last birth control pill! YAAAAY!! As exciting as that is, I have a feeling when my bum becomes a pin-cushion, I will be longing for the days of silly little birth control pills. Friday I picked up my prescriptions. The pharmacist wasn't sure of what size needles I was going to need, so he "threw in enough to get me through a week." The pile made my stomach do flips. Ohhhhhh dear! What have I signed myself up for? I remember how nerve wracked I was this past January/February when I started injections for the first time. Those were little tiny needles that went into my belly. This time, the needles are not so tiny, and have to go into my bum muscles. My cheeks tighten at the thought.

It's been awhile since I've had anything to do to get ready for our FET. So I just decided to do some calendar counting and share with anyone who wants to know.

I have:

9 more days of birth control pills.

14 days until our baseline ultrasound and plan of care meeting.

15 days until we start estrogen shots (not so much fun, but part of the process)

22 days of work until the transfer.

and last but CERTAINLY not least....

39 days till transfer!!!!


That got me excited all over again :)

Tick, Tock. Tick, Tock.

I hate to say nothing, but there's nothing much to say. Nothing has changed over the past few weeks, other than getting ready for Christmas.

A dear friend, and former neighbor called to catch up with me this afternoon. (Oh how I miss them!) I was able to tell her all of the exciting news about our embryo adoption. Because I haven't had any "work" to do to get ready, it's seemed a little less real, and very distant. But just explaining the process to someone new got me excited all over again!

I have taken 4 weeks of birth control pills. I have 2 more weeks to go. So far the pills haven't made me sick as I have always gotten with bcp's in the past. So that's a very good thing. We are just a just a little over 6 weeks to transfer. With all of the Christmas festivities in the midst of that, I'm hoping the time will tick by very quickly.

I'm off to start decorating the inside of our house for Christmas.

I love Christmas lights! Love them! I didn't see it, but someone said our lights were on the news last year. Just a short clip of them during the weather. Fun huh? :) Every year, I seem to need to add more lights to our display. I'm really beginning to think it's a sickness. In fact, while I was recording this video, a nightbor walked by with his dog and said the lights looked nice. You can may even be able to hear me tell him that it's a sickness!. I really want something for over the garage. I'm just not sure what yet. So I continue. At least you can see our display as it is now. I don't think I'll do TOO much more this year.

Kitty Picture

Here is Ginger enjoying the comfort of the penthouse sitting area in our new kitty condo. The first day or two, the kitties sniffed around the condo, and hopped on and quickly back off, just like any new piece of furniture. I really don't think they thought it was theirs. So we did what a good cat lover would do. We drugged them. We bought catnip. They go pretty nuts with the stuff. We put the catnip all over the condo. When they start coming down off the high, they just want to lay around. Now they don't even need the catnip to lay around on it. Although she looks it, Ginger isn't even high in this picture :)

Happy Thanksgiving

I know I've done a bit more posting today than normal. Ok, maybe that's an understatement... So I've posted a lot more than normal as of late. I just can't let today end without giving thanks. Tonight I am thankful for many things. I'm thankful from my salvation, and God that gives it so freely. I'm thankful for my wonderful husband and family. Yes, that includes our frozen AND furry family as well. I'm thankful for my home and my country, and so many more things than this. I am truly blessed.

Happy Birthday Lady

We don't know for sure when Lady was born. She was about 6 months old when we got her from the pound. From the letter left by her previous family who couldn't keep her when they moved, we can guess that she was born sometime mid to late November. So in that time frame, it's easiest for us to remember Thanksgiving. That is the day I choose to honor as our sweet pup's birthday. While I was making a dessert to take to my family's Thanksgiving celebration, I let Lady lick the bowl. I love her like a person. Happy birthday baby!

Victory

We did it. We were in fact victorious! I woke up at 4 am this morning. It was the normal wake up call. My dear sweet husband sawing logs. No, not literally sawing logs, but sounds like it. The boy can snore! Alas I fear he has taken after his father. This means 5 nights out of 7, I end up in the spare room. I always start out in our bed with Mark. Lately, I most often don't make it through the night. Lady and I retreat to the quiet cold of the other end of the house. Haha, the other end of the house sounds like we have a big house. Yes, I go to the guest wing. Really our house is 1300 square feet. Comfortable, but not huge. The master bedroom, bathroom and closet are on one side of the house, the kitchen dining room and living room are in the middle, and the 2 other bedrooms and bathroom are on the other side. But, I digress.

Where was I? Oh yes, Lady and I retreating to the guest wing. So we get in there, I doze off for about 15 minutes, and wake up again. So I decided to get up, and get myself dressed to brave the cold. I squeezed my extra large bum into my medium long johns, and a couple of other layers, and went to wake Mark up. We left the house shortly before 5 AM. We went to Burger King to grab a quick bite to eat, and then it was off to Kmart to wait in line for the ever elusive Nintendo Wii. We've been talking about buying one for the last month or so, but they have proved to be next to impossible to find. We got the hint from several stores to "check back after Thanksgiving" *wink wink* Meaning they have some, but they are saving them for the big shopping days. Kmart had Wii's in their Thanksgiving Day sale ad. So there we waited. There were probably a dozen people ahead of us, give or take a few. Some of them were together though, so we felt safe when the Kmart lady came out and started listing how many of each of their big ticket items they had in stock. They had 8 Wii's. We knew it would be close, so we decided to wait it out.

At 6:45, she came out to pass out vouchers for to the first people in line for the big ticket/limited quantity items that they had been waiting for. Once the store opened, we just had to take those vouchers to the service desk to purchase the items. No wrestling needed! Great system, right? Should be, but it's not so great when greedy people get involved. The first couple in line each got a voucher for the Wii. Then once the Kmart lady went back into the store people started leaving because they had waited an hour and a half only to find out they weren't going to get what they came for, and the doors weren't even open. The lady from the front of the line started walking down the line saying she really didn't need two Wii's, but she had waited a really long time in line, longer than anyone else, so she'd be willing to SELL HER VOUCHER! Makes my blood boil just thinking about it. Some guy bought it for $50.00 $50.00 just for the ability to be able to purchase the Wii in the store.

Oh well, we did get our Wii, and we're enjoying it, but it still bums me out that the very nice lady in line right behind us didn't get one after waiting in line just a few minutes less than Mark and I, all because of someone else's greed. That's all she was there for, so she left when we got the last voucher. GRRR! Some people.

Yes. It's true. We're nuts. It's 5 AM and we are at KMart in persuit of a Wii. Pure insanity I tell ya.

Lady

Our dog Lady brings me such joy. She's a great dog. We got her from the pound 2 and a half years ago. She is 3 years old this month. When we went to Boise for our Psych eval and weekend away, we stayed 2 nights in a hotel. We ended up in a corner room on the third floor that had windows to the floor. She found her way behind the curtains where she kept watch over the parking lot. She occasionally saw geese or people with other dogs. No matter what she saw, she very intently kept watch. On Saturday morning when Mark left for breakfast with his buddy, I laid on the floor and watched out the window with Lady. As soon as he drove out of sight she got a little sad and rested her head on the floor. I just had to share a picture of our sweet dog!

Movin' on up!

"....Moo-oo-vin on up, to a dee-luxe apartment in the skyyyyyy."

No, we're not moving. We have been in our house exactly 3 years. No immediate plans to move. Yes, I'm singing the theme song from the old tv show "The Jeffersons." Recently our kitties have found great comfort hiding out in the perceived safety of a tv tray that was left out. They love it. They take turns "hiding" out under there. I decided they needed a new place to hide out. I went to Petsmart to check out their kitty condos. I was quickly reminded of the reason we have never purchased a condo for our kitties. For a single level, 12" round, kitty house, it was I think $30-40. That's for basically one square foot. YIKES! I just couldn't justify it. We went to Home Depot, and bought a concrete tube form. It's basically a huge toilet paper roll. It's 12" in diameter, and 4 feet long. This was $11. I made a couple of visits to a local carpet store, and talked the guy into saving a remnant piece for me. He gave it to me, and asked me to keep him in mind when I need carpet for our house. I promised I would. This carpet was great. I'd love to have it in my whole house! I had most of the wood at home. We had to spend a few dollars more on hardware and little bits of lumber. All in all, I would say the kitty's "Deluxe apartment in the sky" was about $17-20. Similar sized condos at Petsmart were $150-200. I went a little nuts building. It's a tri-level. From the inside of each little round den, there is a hole to go up to the next level. Except the top den. That has a little nesting box area. One of them likes it... the other isn't sure what she thinks about the whole thing just yet.

In other news. Less than 2 months to our FET! Very exciting. Just a few days shy of a month to our next doctors appointment. Gotta find more things to keep myself busy. The kitty condo project wiped out this weekend pretty well. :) Hopefully holiday activities will have me occupied over the next 8 weeks or so....

It's the Hurry-up and Wait Game!

For the last month, I've had things to get in order. Things to get done. Things to keep me occupied. From that first inquiry a month ago to see if Embryo Adoption could finally be an option for us, there has been a lot to do. What started out as a daunting list of things to complete, has come together like I could have never imagined.

In the last month, I've gotten our the financing together. That alone I expected would take a month or more, but less than a week from sending the application in, the money is ready and waiting in our bank account. We've reviewed the list of embryos available at our clinic, and selected the ones for us. They initially were no longer available, but with one phone call from the clinic, they are ours! There was testing to be done. A psychological evaluation to be done on both of us. One week from my first call to inquire about the evaluation, it's done! A saline ultrasound to ensure there is no uterine abnormalities to interfere with the implantation of our precious little embryos. There was quite a tight window that this test had to be done in. It had to be between days 6 and 10 of my menstrual cycle. Oh yeah, and the doctor that needs to do this test works between clinics in two different states, so hopefully my (normally non-existent)cycle lines up with his schedule for November, because he's only going to be in the office 2 days in December. Worked out perfectly! That's the test I had done last Tuesday. I had to have some more blood work done, to ensure I haven't contracted any diseases in the last year.
The prescriptions are called in (I had this done to nail down the amount of financing I needed to secure). Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. It's all done!

For the last several weeks, I carried around my notebook, so I could have everything together and handy when I needed it. I prepared my questions there so they were easily available when I talked to my coordinator. I'm completely amazed at how things have come together. I couldn't have forced this if I had tried! I wish there was something to occupy me right now, but alas, I wait. About the only thing I can do to prepare right now is take my birth control pills for the next 34 days. Other than that, I just need to have my prescriptions filled and get a new sharps container before our appointment on December 20.

For now, it's just hurry up and wait! Any ideas to occupy my time for the next 63 days until transfer? I have this nervous, excited anticipation knot in my stomach every time I think about it.

Saline Ultrasound Procedure

A couple of days ago, I had a saline ultrasound. I said I would give more of an explaination of the procedure and why it was neeed, so here goes!

Sonohysterogram or Hysterosonogram

What is a sonohysterogram?A hysterosonogram or HSN is also known by the names sonohysterogram, saline ultrasound, saline sonogram, or saline infusion sonogram. A hysterosonogram is an office based ultrasound procedure that can determine if there are abnormalities inside the uterus that might interfere with pregnancy. This test involves no radiation, and there are very few risks from the procedure. Compared to a regular ultrasound, a sonohysterogram is better at detecting abnormalities on the inside walls of the uterus because it involves infusing sterile fluid inside the uterus. This way, the walls of uterus separate from each other and any abnormalities that might have been hiding right along the sides of the walls will be easily identified.

Here is an example to help understand why we do a hysterosonogram. Think of your uterus like a collapsed balloon. If there was a small growth or bump on the inside wall of the collapsed balloon, it might be hard to see since the top and bottom walls are touching each other. However, if we inflated the balloon, the small growth will be easier to see since it will likely be able to hang away from the wall.

Traditionally, the "best" way to look for abnormalities inside the uterus was a test called a hysteroscopy, which involves an out-patient surgery using a type of telescope to look inside the uterus. However, in recent years, the techniques for a sonohysterogram have become so advanced that it has usually replaced hysteroscopy as the first procedure to look for abnormalities in the uterus. Compared to a hysteroscopy, a sonohysterogram is less invasive, less expensive and nearly as effective at detecting abnormalities.

The procedure was really a piece of cake. No big deal at all. It was over before I even knew it. This was the first test I've had done in a long time that didn't find something wrong! That's a huge praise for me! Everything has come together so well for us in this current process, that I've been waiting for a road block, or even a speed bump. Makes me sad that I think that way. I need to stop that!

We have a target date!

I tried to update my with the short version from my cellphone this afternoon, but it didn't work this time. So here's the long version.

What a day! OYE, seemed like nothing could go right from the time I left the house this morning. I worked till noon, and came home to take care of our dog Lady. After she was taken care of, I headed out. Got a couple of miles away, and wondered if I had closed the garage door. So I came back home, all was well. Got across town, reached for my phone to call DH and let him know I was on the road. No cellphone. I really didn't want to travel that far without it, so I came home again, searched for my phone, found it, and had a met attack (aka the poopies). All in all, I didn't get out of town until 1:30. Good thing I got off work when I did! I barely made it in time for my appointment.

This was only the 2nd time I've had an appointment with the actual doctor. Usually it's an NP. The nurse that was assisting told me before the doctor came in, how happy she was that we were doing this. She said they are pretty stingy with their embies there at the clinic. Apparently they get calls from all over the country looking for embryos. She also told me that her very best friend just left the office. She talked her into doing EA, and just left the office from her first u/s where they saw one little heart beating.

I'm not fond of the doctor. At least I wasn't from our first consult a year ago. At that time, he came across very arrogant and abrasive. Today he seemed much more personable and funny. The catheter hurt a bit, but it always does with me. I have a "tricky cervix." The ultrasound itself was very quick. We were having a conversation while he did it, and it was over before I knew it. Everything looked perfect, and he said he'd see me in January! He asked if I had any questions. I did, but I was still half naked, covered with a large paper towel. Good thing I came prepared. I asked him to hand me my notebook, and I turned to the page of questions I had prepared for him. My questions for him were rather simple. The nurse laughed at my organization, and asked if I would come with her next time she needed to go to the doctor :)

After that, the embryo donor coordinator had scheduled some time to meet with me as well. So we went to her office to talk dates. The target date for transfer is January 15! They are frozen in three separate straws. One straw has three embryos, and the other two straws each have two embryos. They will thaw the group of three embryos first. If two or three survive, we will transfer those. If only one survives, they will thaw another straw.

Oh, one more thing about the ultrasound. I do have a large cyst on one of my ovaries. I start birth control pills today to resolve the cyst and control my cycle until it's time to get rolling. I will be on the pill until December 16. I will have my baseline ultrasound on December 20th. Also on that day, we will have our plan of care meeting, where we will nail down the rest of the dates for monitoring etc, and our shot class. I will start estrogen shots then. I've got some blood work to be done in the meantime.

Other than that, it's hurry up and wait. I'm so excited! Having dates makes this all the more real!Sorry to leave you hanging for so long. On the way home, I had to stop at my sister's house for my nephew and niece's birthday parties. Made for a LONG day. I'm going to get ready for bed now. Tomorrow I'll explain the actual procedure I went through today, and the reasons for it. Thank you all for checking on me!

Saline Ultrasound and consult today.

I'll be leaving work in a few minutes. My appointment is in 3 and a half hours, but it's about a 2 hour drive to my RE's office. Unfortunately Mark couldn't get off work for this appointment, and I couldn't schedule it for another time this cycle. My heart is beating out of my chest! Good results today bring us one step closer to our FET! I'm nervous and excited all at once.

I probably won't be able to get online to give a full update until late tonight. I'll see what I can do to get a shortened version of a blog update from my cellphone after the appointment for those who really want to know :)

Thank you so much for your prayers! They are needed and felt!

A Bittersweet Day

What a range of emotions I've experienced today. I woke up to anxiety. Today was the due date of the precious little one we lost earlier this year. I've choked back some tears. I should have a tiny little baby in my arms right now, crying and depriving me of sleep. At the same time I'm grieving the loss of our child, I'm excited about the prospect of our future children, our little ones on ice. Things are coming together so quickly, and in a way that I couldn't force if I tried! I can't help but be happy about this. The other day I was thinking about the wonderful testimony God is creating for our children. Then I feel guilty being excited about these children on the day that I am grieving the loss of our first child.

To top things off, today was my Grandma Bonnie's birthday. I called her at the nursing home in Kansas. That made me sad again. In a 15 minute conversation she asked 3 different times where I live, where I work, how long I've worked there, and if we're still trying to have a baby. Thankfully I only had to tell her once about the miscarriage. It's so sad to see her mind going. It's been happening for quite some time. I still hate it. What a mess of emotions I am!

Psych Eval--Check!

Our progress continues to amaze me. I'm not so sure why. Why should I be surprised? We really feel like God is opening these doors for us. We had already planned for a few days away this week. We took Thursday and Friday off of work and came to Boise. We got a hotel for both nights, and have had a fantastic time. We've seen friends and family, we've dined out and just had a great time just being with each other. We will head back home tomorrow afternoon. Since we were already going to be here in Boise, I made a call and got our Psych Evaluations done while we were here! Worked out beautifully.

From my understanding, Psych Eval's aren't just required by my clinic, but for use of 3rd party reproductive assistance in general. By 3rd party, I mean the use of donor sperm, eggs, embryos or surrogates. The evaluation was a great opportunity for Mark and I to talk things out with an objective third party and make sure we're both on the same page, and make sure we've really thought about everything. We are both just as dedicated to following this path as we were before. After our time visiting with the therapist, we had to each complete a written evaluation. 567 true/false questions. YUCK. Didn't enjoy that one so much. Took more than a couple of minutes to finish. Mark was much quicker than I. He took a break and went out and check on Lady, and came back, and went to the bathroom, had a snack, and still finished more than a hundred questions ahead of me!

So that's one more thing checked off of our list! Very, very exciting to me. One thing that has been weighing on me is the financial aspect of all of this. Even though we aren't doing a full invtro process, there are still substantial costs involved, and there are some costs unique to the donor program, but God continues to provide for us. We decided to borrow from my 401k. I talked with my company's human resources a couple of weeks ago to see if this was an option. She told me it was, and sent me the paperwork. It took some time, but I compiled a list of anticipated expenses involved, as those had to be submitted with the loan application. I sent those to my company's corporate office on Tuesday. They arrived on Wednesday. I called Wednesday afternoon to make sure they had received everything. (I was nervous because we're starting these appointments, where we will have to pay out of pocket, and don't have the money to cover all of them!) She assured me they had received everything, and she would notify the committee that they would need to meet to review my request. So I was thinking a week or two. She called me the NEXT morning to let me know everything had been approved. This was not even 48 hours after I put it in the mail! Since we were already on our way to Boise, we stopped by and finished off the promissory note and wire transfer instructions. She seemed to think the money should be in our account by sometime next week. What a huge blessing, and yet another confirmation to us!

Busy at work

This post is just silliness. Demonstrating to my coworker Ramiro how to get pictures off of his phone and to the web with the powers of Mobile blogger. It's pretty cool :)

SHHHHHHHHHH!

I don't attempt to keep my blog a secret. I don't broadcast it either. My faithful friends here in the blog world are welcomed to your front row view of our journey. For those of you who are part of the blog world AND part of our day to day real life world, you are welcomed to continue your front row view of our journey. I only ask that you allow us to tell the other people in our life about our journey as we decide to. Many things that I talk about here are necessary for me to get out and talk through, but they aren't things I'm ready to share with most of our family. At this point in our journey, the decisions we make aren't without a lot of prayer, thought and research. But there is no shortage of people who think they still know better. For that reason we are keeping the circle of people who know what's going on right now very small. We may change our minds, but at this point we have decided to hold off on telling our families until after the transfer. At that point, there will be no need for conversations trying to convince us to go another route. Call it the cowards way out if you wish. I'll call it choosing my battles. So for now, we'll just keep this our little secret. *Wink Wink* ;)

Long overdue update... and it's a long one!

I know it's been awhile. There has been a whirlwind of activity going on here. Everything has been coming together so beautifully, I fear that if I post about it, the progress will come to a stop. My prayer throughout this journey, has been that God would open the doors that need to be opened, and close the doors that need to be closed. God has really been answering that prayer. Doors have been opening for us, one right after another. This isn't answering your questions is it? It has everything to do with my previous post.

My heart has really been drawn towards embryo adoption/donor embryos for quite some time. It's just never been a real option for us for one reason or another. I started looking into it more seriously a little over a year ago. That was actually the reason for our first consultation at our RE's office. The doctor quickly squashed my hopes to pursue this route. He said that they didn't allow new patients into their donor program. We had to do treatment through this clinic in order for it to ever even become an option. Even at that, he discouraged us, saying the wait is often more than a year. At this point, it was only known that I had PCOS. We didn't know of anymore contributing factors to our infertility. We've since learned that I also have a blocked tube and elevated FSH, indicating poor ovarian reserve. There are all kinds of roadblocks in the way of us conceiving a biological child. We do know it's possible. We did conceive a child nearly 9 months ago. Biology doesn't concern me though. Being adopted, I know that biology doesn't create a family. In fact, I told Mark on our first real date, that there was a good chance, I would have trouble conceiving a child, and I needed to know if he was OK with adopting.

After our last failed treatment cycle, Mark and I had some discussions about our options. I've reviewed many of these options with you already. Mark's take on things was that we needed to wait on direction from the Lord. My view on it is that without looking at all of the doors, and maybe jiggling a few doorknobs, how are you going to know what doors are open? :) I suggested to Mark that we put our name on the waiting list for donor embryos at our clinic if they would now let us, pointing out that if we did decide this was the route to go later, it would shorten our wait. Remember the doctor told us it was most often more than a year wait for embryos to become available.

At this point, Mark is still leaning towards a traditional adoption. I must go check this doorknob! We met with an adoption agency 2 years ago, and didn't feel peace about moving forward at that time. Before traveling to Boise to meet with them again, I called the local Pregnancy Crisis Center. The director goes to our church. I was really just after information. She wanted to set up a meeting with us though. We arranged the meeting and took an afternoon off to go visit with her. Adoption is certainly not for the faint hearted. There is so much involved. How open of a relationship are you comfortable with with the biological family? The more open you are, the more likely you will be chosen. The home study process alone is quite daunting. You must ensure you have a good lawyer, or agency so that everything is done properly. You must remember not to give the birth parents gifts, or help them directly with living expenses. This can be considered "baby-buying." Even without agency fees, we were amazed at how quickly the legal and medical costs add up. The costs can be anywhere from $7,000-30,000. She overwhelmed us with information. But when we left there, Mark said, "We might as well do more treatment." I'm very thankful for this time we had with her, and the information she provided, but it just didn't feel like a fit for us at this time.

A week or two later I made a call to our clinic to get more information about their donor embryo program. Now I don't know how it is in different medical practices. But every doctors office I have, if I call with questions, I have to leave a message, and someone calls me back later. So that Friday I left a message with the donor coordinator at our clinic. I got a call back from another Nurse Practitioner, saying that the donor coordinator would be out of the office until Tuesday. She called me back on Tuesday. I asked if we were eligible to be put on the waiting list for embryos. She said she thought probably so, but she needed to check with the doctor. She told me there were currently embryos available without wait, but said her list wasn't overly impressive to most. A week later, and I still hadn't heard the verdict from the doctor. So I called the nurse back and left another message. She called me back and said he cleared us. We were ok to use donor embryos.

That week was the longest wait we've had for anything! Everything else has come together so quickly! That day she faxed me a list of currently available embryos. Since that point, it seems I'm calling the clinic every other day. I got the costs for everything, and told Mark. He said... "Wow. Not cheap. If this is where God wants us, He's going to have to provide the money." Funny thing... that night I was going to the bathroom, and an idea came to me. We discussed it, and decided together, if these doors continue to open, this is where we want to be.

We made our pick from the list of embryos available. It's important to remember, these are human beings. We chose a group of 7 embryos, from one family. The genetic mom is 5'1" with brown hair and brown eyes. She is Asian. The genetic dad is 5'10" with blonde hair and brown eyes. When I called the clinic to say that we were interested in them, the nurse said that someone else had already expressed interest in them. She had to give them another chance to make their final decision. She called me back to tell me that those embryos had been removed from the available list.

Because they are ours!!!!

I couldn't be more excited. We have 7 frozen babies! And Mark has told me several times how he is excited about our family. The program is completely anonymous. The donors will never know anything about us, and we will never know anything more about them than we do right now.

From that point, things have continued to come together. We are required by our clinic to undergo a Psychiatric Evaluation. They require this for anyone using donor sperm, eggs or embryos, as well as gestational carriers. The Doctor that does their evaluations just happened to have an opening next week when Mark and I were already planning on being in Boise. Our next hope is that my cycle beings on time to schedule a water ultrasound when our RE has an opening.

This is just thrilling to me for so many reasons. There is so much more I could say, but I fear this post is getting longer than most will want to read. So I'll save more for another day. We appreciate your prayers, and would love for them to continue! We aren't there yet. Just on the way.

Lessons in infertility

There really isn't much to update, but I know there are people checking often for updates. We are still exploring options and praying about what God has for us. One option that my heart has been very drawn to for some time is called Embryo Adoption or Embryo Donation. Please know that I am by no means an expert in this area, but I'm going to give you the information as I understand it from my readings and following the journey of several friends.

Both Embryo Adoption (EA) and Embryo Donation (ED) operation on the same basic concept. When a couple goes through invitro fertilization (IVF), the ovaries are stimulated to produce as many eggs as possible. The eggs are then retrieved and then combined with sperm (sometime the sperm is injected directly into the egg, and sometimes the sperm are allowed to do their own thing) to produce embryos. Because this is an expensive and very involved process and it is never known how many will actually fertilize and grow, many embryos (sometimes as many as 20 or more) are created.

If you believe as I do that life begins at conception, each of these tiny embryos, far too small to be seen by the naked eye, is a life, precious in the eyes of our Creator. The couple and their medical team decide together how many of those embryos will be transferred back into the woman's uterus. As is the case in a natural cycle, not every life conceived will implant and grow. Most often 2-3 embryos will be transferred. Caution must be exercised though, because each of them could implant, resulting in a multiple pregnancy, that can be very difficult on the health of the children and mom. The remaining embryos are frozen, awaiting the outcome of the transfer (often referred to as a fresh transfer-because those embryos initially transferred have never been frozen.) If that cycle fails to produce a pregnancy, or if it produces a pregnancy, and the couple wishes to have more children, then some of the frozen embryos are thawed and transferred into the mom. Very sadly not all of the embryos will survive the thaw. Success rates for a frozen embryo transfer (FET) are not typically as high as for a fresh cycle. Even after several subsequent cycles, there are often embryos remaining. Once the couple has decided their family is complete, or their journey on this path has come to an end, there is a huge decision to make- What to do with their remaining embryos.

One choice is to allow them to be destroyed. Another option is to donate them for research. Thankfully for some people these are not options. At this point, they are left with two more options. They can continue to pay for storage indefinitely. Or one final option is to allow them to be adopted, or to donate them through Embryo Adoption or Embryo Donation.

The difference between EA and ED is minor. Through ED, the donating couple will often notify their clinic that they want to donate the embryos to another couple. From my understanding this is most often a closed process. The donating couple will know little or nothing about the receiving family. They can also choose to find a couple on their own through word of mouth, or through various websites.

With EA, there is a paperwork and home study process much like a traditional adoption. This allows for more of a screening process, and allows the donating family to have a great amount of control in deciding on a family for their embryos. This allows more room for the genetic family and the adopting family to decide on how open they want the relationship to be.

Babies resulting from ED/EA are often referred to as snowflakes, because no two are the same. Each is unique. There is an EA program called Snowfakes Embryo Adoptions through Nightlight Christian Adoptions http://www.nightlight.org/snowflakeadoption.htm . There is also an embryo adoption program through Bethany Adoptions http://www.bethany.org/A55798/bethanyWWW.nsf/0/1CA188422535A9E8852572750070B241 . Both websites have a lot of information about the process, and testimonies of families that have grown their family through this path. Looking at the pictures of those precious babies, it's amazing to me that people can still call extra embryos as "medical waste."

At this time, an actual legal adoption process isn't required, just legal contract for a transfer of property. While I find this very sad to refer to these lives as "property", it has its good point in that it takes away a lot of the red tape and makes the process easier and less costly. Once that contract is signed, the donating family has no legal claim to the embryos or the child born from this process. On the birth certificate, the receiving family are listed as the mom and dad.

At this point, I am in the process of finding out about receiving donor embryos through our clinic. My heart has really been pulled in this direction since I first heard about this option almost three years ago. I can't even put a finger on what about it appeals to me, but it something sure does. I have a news story about "the other side of the stem cell research debate" that I recorded on our DVR from August of 2005. It tells the story of a family that was grown through EA, and shows both the adopting family and the genetic family.

Exploring the the possibility of using donor embryos was actually the reason we first went to our clinic a year ago. After the 6 rounds of clomid and one IUI we did with my gynecologist, I wanted to go straight to using donor embryos. The doctor laughed at me and said I was giving up before we really tried. They have a policy that they never let new patients go right to donor embryos. They must have failed treatment through this clinic. Now that we have done 2 cycles there, and have no baby, I'm hoping they will allow us on their wait list for donor embryos. When I talked to the ED coordinator at our clinic last week, she said she would talk to the doctor and get back to me. She said that there are currently embryos from several different donors available.

Knowing they have embryos available makes me so excited I could wet myself! If it were my choice, I would start the ball rolling on this tomorrow. But alas, it is not all about me. We are praying that the doors that need to be opened will opened, and if the doors God does not want us to go through would be tightly closed.

Wow, this has turned into quite a long post. I guess that's why I haven't talked much about it before. It's just so exciting to me, I have so much to say about it!

A little news

I got another call from our clinic today. Not much to report. I asked one question, and she said she'd have to run it by the doctor. That might take a day or two. OYE! Wait, wait, wait. The theme of my life. Mark and I have started devoting time each day to pray together for the future of our family. We both want so badly to be on the same page, and thatpage needs to be the one God wants us on. .

I have SO MUCH excitement in my heart about this option we are exploring. This is something my heart has been drawn to for more than 2 years. For now though, we continue to wait and pray.

Change in protocol

We continue to seek direction and weigh out options. In this process, one of our options is to continue with the prescribed treatment protocol from our Reproductive Endocrinologist. A few weeks ago when the nurse called with my negative beta results, she mentioned that the doctor would probably want to change my treatment protocol. On Friday I called the clinic to find out exactly what that change in protocol would entail. Their biggest concern with my former protocol was a thin uterine lining. Unfortunately, that's one of the side effects of clomid. So at this point, the only change they have for me would be to change the clomid to a medication called Femera, or generic Letrozole. This is a medication that has been used for treatment of breast cancer. But it has a side effect of inducing ovulation exactly like clomid does, without the negative side effects. Not sure if this is the path we're going to be on, but at least we have the information about the path.

I also left a message for the embryo donor coordinator at our clinic. During my last IUI, I heard the coordinator talking to someone about this. This is something that really excites me. My heart has been pulled in this direction for more than two years. Unfortunately the embryo donor coordinator is out of the office until Tuesday. Hopefully we can learn a lot more about this path when she gets back.

Humbled

I sit here tonight humbled, and nearly overwhelmed by the comments that have been left on my blog recently. It's amazing to me the people that I have never before met, that God has brought to this simple website for the purpose of praying for my husband and I.

We had our meeting today at the Pregnancy Crisis Center. She went over a TON of information, and gave us a contact for a christian lady that does home studies in this area for a much more reasonable price than most. In the end she prayed with us. We left the meeting completely overwhelmed, and no closer to a decision on the direction we are to be going. So for now, we continue to wait. Wait while I hear time clock ticking loudly in my ears. I know God has a plan. I'm working daily on trusting that plan.

Under the Weather

I've been very under the weather this last week. I've been dealing with a great deal of nausea throughout the week. If I hadn't had a blood test a little over a week ago, I would swear that I'm pregnant. To top that off, Thursday night I came down with a cold that I caught from a co-worker. Oh the joys!! So I've been all snotty and sneezing this weekend. With all of this I haven't been up to too much activity.

Mark and I continue to seek direction for the next step in the journey to expand our family. I had a MASSIVE meltdown last week. The worst in a long time. This is just so hard! It makes it even harder that Mark and I really aren't on the same page about things. He is perfectly content with our family as it is. He wouldn't mind having children, but he's ok without too. I wish I was there. Oh how I wish. Mark feels like we should just pray and seek direction right now. My prayer for direction has been that God would open the doors we are to go through, and close the ones we aren't. And how do you know if the door is open or closed if you don't look at it? So I have been on a fact finding mission to get information about all of our options. Mark feels like it's kind of a waste of time to walk down the hall checking doors if we don't have a direction. Neither of us thinks the other is wrong. We just have different perspectives. I think I have a hard time sitting still and waiting. I know that is something I need to work on...

In any event, Mark was not comfortable with trying to fit our meeting at the Pregnancy Crisis Center into our lunch hour, so we rescheduled it. It will be this coming Tuesday at 2:00 pm. Mark has most Tuesday afternoons off, so it won't mess with his work schedule at all. I will work through my lunch hour, and take a couple of hours of vacation, so I don't have to go back to work after the meeting.

Along these lines, I've begun working on a digital scrapbook of our lives together. While I'm excited about this scrapbook for several reasons. The ultimate purpose of the pages I'm creating is hopefully being used in an adoption portfolio, for expectant parents to look at to get to know us, and maybe decide they want us to raise their child. But I'll post more about this later.

Options, a New Vacuum and Baby Blankets

Sorry the updates are getting further apart. I've said it before, but sometimes I feel like when we are not actively trying to have a baby, I really don't have anything worth saying. That's how much of my identity I've wrapped up in this journey. I honestly don't know what is next for us. There are so many options. We are standing at an intersection with so many different paths. I just don't know which one we are to choose.

Our options at this point are further treatment. Although that isn't an option till after the first of the year. Embryo adoption is another possibility. I'm waiting to hear from our clinic to see if we can be put on their waiting list to receive donor embryos. We also have a meeting this Friday with the local Pregnancy Crisis Center, to discuss adoption, in addition to the agency we met with a couple of years ago.

In other news, we splurged on a new Dyson vacuum, and I'm in love! I'm also disgusted by all the hair and dirt this thing pulls out of our carpet. I've been able to make new fur coats for the kitties every other day since we got it! I never would have thought I would spend that much money on a vacuum, but so far I'm SO glad we did. I highly recommend Dyson. I was cleaning around the edge of our closet with the, and I stood up with the vacuum hose in my hand, and accidentally sucked a shirt right off the hanger. Our carpets look better and better each time I vacuum. This vacuum really sucks. Really!

With all of this excitement, I will leave you with pictures of the baby blankets I made over the last month. Hopefully 3 of the recipients that live out of the area will be getting them in the mail in the next day or two. The 4th is local, and has hatched already. His bum was stuck where it shouldn't be, so he had to be born via c-section a week and a half ago, so I thought I'd give mommy some time to heal a bit before going over to visit.

Broken Dreams...

I know there are quite a number of people who read this blog that have some experience with infertility. On the flip side, there are probably just as many readers who have not. So there are some readers who see yesterdays news as a disappointment, and don't fully grasp the grief I have right now. It truly is grief. I have been cycling through phases of it since the phone call yesterday. From anger to denial. This wasn't just a disappointment. It was the death of a dream for yet another month. While I know it isn't true, I feel so broken and useless. I can't do what seems to be a God-given right for women. "Be fruitful and multiply..." just doesn't work for me.

Mark and I went out to dinner last night, and I brought up many of the options we have to go from here. I would love your prayers for direction. There are so many doors. I don't know where to go!

With this, I will leave you with a poem that has come to mean a great deal to me. Looks like I need to soak this in a bit more and live it.

Broken Dreams

As children bring their broken toys
With tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God
Because He was my Friend.

But then instead of leaving Him
In peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help
With ways that were my own.

At last I snatched them back and cried,
"How can you be so slow"--
"My child," He said, "what could I do?
You never did let go."

-Author Unknown

Thank you for your prayers

I just received a call that our test results were negative. No baby for us this time. I'm taking it pretty hard right now, just trying to figure out how to make it through the next 35 minutes of work. Trying to remember that God is still God, and He is very good. I want to crawl into bed and cry. I wish I could make these desires and feelings go away. If I could turn them off, oh how I would!

I don't know what comes next for us. I'd really appreciate your prayers for direction in that. I know Mark is so tired of the treatment roller coaster.

Stop the ride, I wanna get off.

Wait, wait, wait some more!

This morning is off to a roaring start! I woke up at 6 am, not feeling good AT ALL. (Lower digestive issues--enough said.) I was really debating not going to work. Once I showered and got myself dressed I was feeling a little better, so I headed off to the hospital lab to have my blood drawn. Good thing I got to the hospital as early as I did, if not, I'd probably still be waiting there. The sweet christian lady Barb that usually draws my blood I noticed wasn't coming out to call people. I was disappointed. I noticed that each person that they called back was taking about 20 minutes :( Finally they called a couple of lab techs from other parts of the hospital to come help. When they finally called me back after almost an hour of waiting, they ended up having to stick me twice, because she only got a flash of blood from one arm. She explained that the lady who is normally in the lab in the mornings had to leave because her mom was in the emergency room! So I got to work at 8:30 (when leaving the house this morning, I was sure I'd be early for work in case I had to leave today) and one of the other girls is not here, she's at home sick. My tummy issues seem to have settled down for now. We'll see what the rest of the day holds.

So now, once again, we wait. With these blood tests last time, I got results anywhere from 11:30 am to 7:30 pm.

I caved

UGH! I caved and used a home pregnancy test. What did I say in my last post about being too early to accurately detect a pregnancy? Someone please remind me. Of course the test was negative, and I'm feeling discouraged. I'm bordering on tears right now. I haven't been weepy this whole cycle. Wow this stinks. 2 more days till my blood test. Wonder if I can hold out till then?

Still waiting

I feel like I need to post something, but there's nothing to update. We're on the downhill side of this episode of the waiting game. I've been tempted to pull out a home pregnancy test and give it a try. Despite what the commercials would have you believe, it's really too early for accurate results from any pregnancy test. I will have my blood test in 4 days. So for now I will continue to wait. Wait and work on crafts. I've finished 4 blankets. I'll post pictures of them this week after I've mailed most of them off.

Yeah, so I'm pathetic...

Still nothing exciting going on in my corner of the world. I'm halfway through this round of the waiting game. I've been wrestling back and forth at times with doubts. This is out of my hands. There is nothing I can do to help things along. Worry certainly isn't going to help.


I finished another blanket today. That makes 4! All were made with love and prayers for specific babies that are due to make their big arrivals in the next couple of months. All of these babies have moms that I was looking so forward to experiencing pregnancy with. And so I digress. That wasn't meant to be. That doesn't take away for one second the miracle of these babies. While making these blankets I've been praying for these babies; For their protection; For guidance for their parents to raise them to love Him; For their siblings. Maybe I'm selfish, but as I mentioned before, making these gifts is like therapy for me.


Ok, time for another biology lesson. What exactly could be going on inside me right now?? First we'll back up a step to last week. We skipped some steps, and after the swimmers went on a wild ride in the lab, they were injected directly into my uterus. The eggs are normally viable for 24 hours max, so timing is everything. The swimmers seek out the egg(s), and try to penetrate a tough membrane around the egg. Only one sperm can make it through the membrane. Conception!! Once conception has happened the cells begin dividing very quickly. Everything needed to keep the embryo alive at this point is contained in itself! It begins a week to ten day journey down the fallopian tubes and into the uterus where it needs to find a nice comfy place to nestle in. This is called implantation. So at this point if we have been blessed with a baby or two, they are probably just arriving in the uterus to search out a place to dig in. But they could still be floaters for a few more days. After implantation, the placenta forms, at which point they would be dependant on me for everything. Almost a frightening thought!!


I've had quite a bit of cramping and abdominal discomfort over the past few days. I've had a few other mild symptoms, but these things can be attributed to the progesterone support. So the waiting continues.

Nothing new

Sooo.... I'm boring. Nothing exciting to report. I'm 4 days into the 2 week wait. Tick, tock, tick, tock. Wishing the month away! I spent the weekend relaxing. I made some blankets. One of the blankets, I LOVE LOVE LOVE! I'm going to take pictures. I can't post them yet. A couple of the blankets may just be for some of my pregnant blog readers. Making these blankets is almost like therapy for me. They are far from perfect, but they are made with love and prayers for the recipients. It's hard to let the ugly green jealousy monster come out while you're praying for someone. This just allows me to take my focus off myself and focus on blessing someone else.

I'm feeling very at peace right now. I would have thought that I would be more anxious. I'm just trying to trust that God has the right plan, and He has my best interest at heart. He sees a much bigger picture than I do in my little corner of the world. I can however imagine our nursery decorated around one of the blankets I made over the weekend. BIG SIGH!

More OUCH!!

We had the IUI today. The procedure was probably the worst that I have done. This is our third IUI, and the hsg (dye test that revealed a blocked tube) was similar in that the catheter was used to introduce something into my uterus. Out of all of those experiences, today was the worst. Not to say that it was really bad. Just very uncomfortable and at times very crampy and painful. She tried quite a few times to get the catheter in and it just wouldn't go. She said there was probably an enlarged gland inside the cervix blocking the path. After several minutes of trying, she changed to a different type of catheter with a smaller, but slightly stiffer tube, and it took a few tries but finally she got in. This isn't the first time it's been a rough entry. I have a tricky cervix. Add that to the list of my malfunctions!

There is definitely nothing wrong with Mark's boys. As always he had great counts. 36.5 million total count. 83% of them were motile. After they were washed and processed 11 million were used for the insemination. You may be asking why the insemination? What's wrong with the old fashioned way?

The uterine cervix acts as the principle filter for sperm during intercourse
and less than one percent of the sperm is naturally able to migrate up through
the uterus and into the fallopian tube where natural fertilization occurs. With
IUI, the cervix is bypassed and a small volume of highly concentrated sperm is
placed directly into the uterine cavity, thereby increasing the chances of
success to a much higher rate than can be accomplished with natural intercourse
or intracervical insemination during treatment cycles.

Basically, for conception to occur, the sperm have to find their way into some friendly fluid secreted by the cervix. They swim their way from the semen into that fluid called cervical mucus. If conditions are right in that mucus, they can last for up to 5 days. From there they go up through the cervix, inter the uterus. From the uterus into the fallopian tubes, where they meet up with an egg. There are any number of obstacles in the way throughout this process. I can't find the exact article I once read before our first IUI 2 years ago (2 years ago tomorrow to be exact!) but it goes something like this. While the initial deposit of semen may contain millions of sperm, often only tens or hundreds of thousands of the little swimmers will make it through the cervix into the uterus. By doing the IUI procedure today they were able to cut out a whole bunch of obstacles (swollen gland in the cervix blocking the way, etc) and deposit a MUCH higher concentration of 11 million near the tubes. This just gives us greater odds.

Tomorrow I will begin progesterone support for the next 2 weeks until our pregnancy test. The progesterone is to help maintain the lining of the uterus so an embryo has a nice safe place to nestle in. Progesterone is naturally released by the remains of the ruptured follicle (corpus luteum-- you can see this on the diagram from a yesterday).

I'm on princess status now. Until such time as we find I am definitely not pregnant, we will operate on the assumption that I am! No matter what we have done, this is still in God's hands. So now we wait...


Oh yeah... The picture and post about injection site reaction were made from my cellphone. That's why the picture is a little blurry. It really doesn't do the welt justice. It's about the size of a chicken egg and very red. I asked the nurse about it today and she said it's a fairly common reaction. If it lasts more than a few days or gets worse then there would be concern about infection. And NO, it's not my bum. All of these shots were in my belly. Not much prettier than my bum, but just putting your minds at ease. I'm not posting bum pictures online.

Ouch!

Injection site reaction. Lots of fun. I have a matching bruise on the other side. Off to I go. More later.

Great appointment!

Today was a major answer to prayer. I was hoping so much for the start of a couple of good follicles on the right side, but not too many. Wouldn't you know it, with today's ultrasound they found 2 "perfect follicles" ready to go! With my last cycle with this same treatment protocol and same medication I had to take 5 of the shots to stimulate my ovaries to produce follicles. This time I had to take 2! Every treatment we've done has taken longer than expected. Today I'm on day 9. That's almost a week earlier than normal. This has caused a few scheduling conflicts because I wasn't quite ready for this yet. I thought it would be this weekend or early next week. I took my hcg shot this afternoon to cause the follicles to rupture and release their eggs. The eggs generally release 24-36 hours after the hcg shot. So we will be having an IUI procedure done tomorrow. The only downside to today's visit was that the lining of my uterus was a little on the thin side. They want it to be a little thicker so that an embryo has something to attach to. So I was giving a prescription for an estrogen medication that should help boost the development of the lining.

I intended on giving a fresh explanation of the IUI, but I'm tired tonight. So I'm going to recycle the description I gave in February.

This afternoon I took my last injection for this cycle. Yep, that's it. I just took a shot called hCG. That hormone is very similar to LH, the hormone the body naturally releases to signal the follicle to rupture and release the egg. hCG is also the same hormone that is released during pregnancy. It's exactly what a home pregnancy test is testing for. Soooooo, if I took a pregnancy test tomorrow it would be positive. It would be a false positive, but a positive. :) I've talked a lot this week about follicles. So here is the progression of a follicle in the ovary. Just so you have a little picture to go from.

Tomorrow afternoon, we will be at our clinic in Boise for a procedure called IUI. IUI stands for intrauterine insemination. An IUI is performed by threading a very thin flexible catheter through the cervix and injecting washed sperm directly into the uterus.

The whole process doesn't take very long — it usually only requires the insertion of a speculum and then the catheter, a process that maybe takes a couple of minutes (60-90 seconds to introduce the catheter, then sperm injection, and another 60 seconds or so to remove the catheter. Most doctors have their patients lay down on the table for 15-30 minutes after the procedure.

Appointment tomorrow

I had to say a little late after work tonight to wrap things up so I could be gone tomorrow. I have an appointment in the morning. I will be going for another ultrasound. Last Wednesday the purpose of the ultrasound was to make sure there was nothing on my ovaries that they didn't want there. The purpose of tomorrow's ultrasound will be to check for what they DO want growing on there. From this they will determine future doses of my injections. Hopefully I have a couple of good follicles growing on the right side. I'll leave early in the morning, and pick up my mom. She will be riding along again this week. I'm thinking I'll be flying solo for the next appointment though. That one will probably be Friday.

Off to shave my legs. I'll report back tomorrow evening on my ultrasound results.

Well on the way!

Yesterday I finished off the last of my clomid pills. YAAAY! Too bad the side effects of clomid outlast the pills. I'm currently in the midst of a whopping hot flash! It probably doesn't help that I just came in from mowing the lawn.

Because I finished the clomid yesterday, I started injections today. So we're well in the way. I'll take an injection tomorrow, then have an ultrasound on Wednesday. From that ultrasound they'll determine how many more injections to take before another ultrasound. Today's injection was nothing going in. I feel a little ache now, but not too bad.

We have a big day of birthday parties on both sides of the family today, so I better scoot along and see if I can accomplish anything else this morning!

Busy day at home

Today was a SUPER busy day at home. I have been doing what Mark now frighteningly calls "nesting." I am very hopeful for a pregnancy very soon. So I am doing my best to prepare my home. I'm trying to get things done that I wouldn't (or shouldn't) do while pregnant. I'm also trying to get the house clean from top to bottom so that in the coming weeks after the insemination, I can take it easy, and make "a happy place for babies."

Last night I got the grout on the new bathroom tile sealed twice. Today we got the toilet set back in place, and gave the bathroom a serious cleaning. I could eat in there right now. Better hurry if I want to do that before Mark heads in there... Oops, never mind. I really didn't want to anyway.

I've also finished up a few other little projects around the house while I still had my dad's nail gun and other miscellaneous tools. I feel so good about getting these things done! I'm tired, but it feels good! Tomorrow I plan to get my nightstand painted and hopefully my hair highlighted, and do some more cleaning. If I make enough progress this weekend, I may pull out the carpet cleaner and give them a good cleaning. Not sure on that one though.

I'll do more cleaning throughout the next week and if all goes well, I'm guessing I'll have the insemination as soon as next weekend. After that, I'll be taking it easy. I plan to do some crocheting, make several quilts, and maybe reorganize our closet. Earlier this year during my 2 week wait (2ww) I took down all of our curtains, washed and ironed them. It's been 7 months, so maybe I'll do that again too. In general, I'll just be keeping a low profile. I don't know that it's required, but if it gives a little one even the tiniest help in implanting and staying put, I'm all for it! I will be on a self imposed princess status.

Tomorrow morning I will take the last of my clomid. I've done very well on it this time as far as side effects go. I've experienced very little of the clomid crazies that I have in the past. I have been having hot flashes, a little light headed from time to time, and an occasional "visual disturbance." When I was on a clomid only protocol, my dose was twice what I am taking now, and oh how that messed with me. So glad not to have to go through that again!