The ball is now rolling...

The title sounds almost like code doesn't it? It kind of is. Today is Cycle Day 1. Also known in infertility-speak as CD1, or more embarrassingly for the new visitors here--as the first day of my period. Why would you want to know about the first day of my period?? Because we are doing infertility treatments. Everything in a treatment cycle is based on the first day of the menstrual cycle.

Ahhhh, what a way to start the day! Today I started my day at the dentist at 7 am. I stood on my head for an hour. I had 3 different shots before I was fully numbed. I was cramping and uncomfortable. It was so much fun. I got to work on time. But it's so hard to talk on the phone as half my face is still numb. Luckily I haven't had too many customers this morning.

I called my clinic and scheduled my first appointment of the cycle. That will be for tomorrow afternoon. For this appointment they will be doing a baseline ultrasound. The purpose of this ultrasound is to make sure I don't have any ovarian cysts that could interfere with the treatment this cycle. Apparently a large cyst can cause the ovaries to react differently to the medications. I've heard of people having to cancel cycles because of leftover cysts. So I'm praying that I don't have that to worry about this month. In addition to the ultrasound tomorrow, I will also have blood work done tomorrow to check some of my hormone levels.

Meds on the way...

I called today and ordered my meds. This whole treatment thing is quite an investment of time, money and emotions, but we're just about ready to get rolling. Without getting into much TMI detail, I'm guessing my baseline ultrasound will be on Thursday or Friday. At least I hope so! My clinic does weekend appointments as absolutely necessary to keep things on track, but I'm not sure about holiday weekends. I know they close down for a couple of weeks around Christmas. I guess we'll take it as it comes. If the door closes this month, then it closes.

Nothing exciting...

Nothing too exciting to report. Still waiting for my progesterone to finish doing it's duty. I finished laying the tile today. I have way more leftover than I even thought, and I'm pretty sure because of the clearance sale that I can't return it. (Dear Sister-in-law, how big is your downstairs bathroom?)

After one little oops, in which I had to ask my dad's advice again, I have the tile down, and now I get to wait until Tuesday for it to finish drying, and then I'll grout and put the baseboards and toilet back on. Here is the finished layout. I'll post another picture once it's all back together.

Daddy to the rescue!

My mom and dad came by last night, and my dad (who, by the way can do anything) talked me through how to get around my problem area. I finished my demo last night, and got the cement board down. It was about 10:30 at that point, so I decided to start dry fitting the whole tiles. I got my layout figured out. This morning I'll start sticking them down, and cutting tiles for the edges. Pretty exciting! :) I'm coming right along. I should have part wrapped up pretty quick, then I have to wait a couple of days to grout. Hmmm... waiting?? Didn't I just mention the other day how that was the theme of my life??

Uh oh....

Good news first... I've lost the weight that I gained over the weekend, so I'm back on track. It might very well be 25 pounds before we actually do our treatment cycle, but once I start the injections all bets are off. Some people have reported gaining 10 pounds during those injections. YUCK!

Now for the not so good news...

So I've been thinking. I'm trusting God to expand our family (while at the same time trusting his sovereignty--does that make any sense at all?) I pray that I will get pregnant with this cycle of treatment. So I have decided to put the quilting on hold for a week or two, and tackle some bigger projects that I probably shouldn't do when pregnant. #1 on my list was to tile our master bathroom. I've been looking at tile since I tiled our guest bathroom about a month ago. I still have all of my dad's tools, so I need to do it, or return the tools! Last night I found some highly discounted tile. I got more than enough tile for our master bathroom for about $40.00 That tile was normally $4-5 a foot! After picking up the rest of the supplies, looks like I'm into this about $75.00 Not bad for a new floor! When I got home last night I started on my demo work. I pulled back the carpet, pulled up the baseboard, tack strip, carpet pad, and all the tacks that were holding it down. This morning while in the shower I had an uh-oh moment. I remembered why I started with the guest bathroom instead of our master bath.... The water supply for the toilet came out of the wall in the guest bathroom, but it comes out of the floor in the master bathroom. AWWW NUTS! I'm going to have to have help with this one. I have no idea how to shut off the water, and remove the water supply valve to put the cement board and tile over it. So now I've ruined the flooring that was in there, and I pretty much have no choice, but to call my dad and beg him for a little help this weekend. I've bitten off more than I can chew :( My original plan was to get the toilet up tonight, and the cement board down and most of the uncut tiles. Then work on the tile cuts tomorrow and have them all set by mid-day. Now I will have to wait for my dad to even be able to get to the point that I can put down cement board. GRRR! Hopefully this isn't something that's going to add huge cost.

Hurry up and wait...

That seems to be a description of this whole process, and I think it will definitely be my theme over the coming weeks. I'm always looking forward to the next step. The next step gets here, and we wait some more. Right now I'm waiting for my period to arrive? How often in life does a woman look forward to and anxiously await the arrival of her period? That's what infertility will do to ya! Today was my third day of progesterone pills. Hopefully only a few days more. I'm anticipating my first ultrasound and blood work to be sometime next week. If not next week, then early the following week. OH how I hope that Labor Day doesn't cause a problem with this. I didn't even think about that one until now. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there!

In other news I had a realization yesterday that I am not the only one affected by the loss of our baby earlier this year. The week that we found out about our loss I ordered this necklace. I wear it often and think about our baby. Last night while I was getting dinner ready Mark came into the kitchen. He hugged me, and he picked up the pendant and kissed it. He said that our baby will always be close to our hearts. That really choked me up. Men and women deal with loss and grief so differently, that sometimes I feel like I'm the only one that was affected by this. What a very real reminder that it's not just me.

"Uncle Mark. Get set. Go!"

The title is a quote from my 3 year old niece Elyssa. She was on her mom's exercise machine, and grabbed onto the handle and said, "Uncle Mark. Get set. Go!" She wasn't talking to her Uncle Mark though. What she meant to say was "On your mark. Get set. Go!"

With that said.... here we go! (If you are reading this blog and haven't experienced infertility, or infertility treatments, chances are you are going to learn some things about the process of reproduction that you didn't know before, or maybe never wanted to know! This journey isn't for the faint at heart.)

Today I had to take a home pregnancy test to ensure I was not pregnant before I began taking Prometruim. Prometrium is a progesterone supplement. Starting today I will take a 10 day course of this medication, unless my period arrives before the 10 days is up. Typically I end up taking it for about 7 days.

Progesterone is released naturally during the later part of a woman's cycle after ovulation. This helps maintain the lining of the uterus for the implantation of a baby, but if that does not occur, levels will drop, and the lining is shed which is known as a menstrual period. Since I rarely if ever ovulate, the purpose of the progesterone at this point in the game is to bring on the shedding of the uterine lining.

Once my period starts I will call my RE's (Reproductive Endocrinologist's) office to get the ball rolling, and get my appointment for the first ultrasound of the cycle. I will also call the pharmacy to have them ship my medications that day as well. We'll get into the protocol a little more later though.

For now, as I said before, please be sure your safety belt is securely latched, and keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times! We're off...

Busy weekend!!

OK, so we had a super busy weekend, so I'll just give you a quick recap of the events. Friday morning we left for Boise to attend Mark's grandpa's memorial service. It was so very nicely done. Mark wasn't terribly close to this grandpa, but I'm very glad we went. Mark learned several things about Grandpa Honey that he didn't know. They had a military service. His aunt made some really neat photo mementos for everyone that attended the service. Definitely something to tuck away to share with our children someday.

After the service we visited with family for a few minutes, then headed out of town (on the way out of town, we had the fender bender mentioned yesterday). Boise is 2 hours northwest of where we live. As soon as we left Boise, we headed back towards home, but that wasn't the destination. We met up with one of my sisters, and headed 3 hours southeast to Salt Lake City. Almost my entire immediate family was there (minus Justice, my 1 year old nephew). Saturday we spent the entire day at an amusement park called Lagoon. We had lots of fun. I took quite a few pictures. I'll post some later this week. On our way back to the hotel, I got terribly sick. I ended up stuck in the room while everyone else went out to dinner. Sunday we came home. It was so good to see my dog! I could definitely tell she missed us!

In other news, I finished my "Believing God" study yesterday!! :) We ate lots of junk food, and I gained some weight back :( And I've almost finished one blanket.

I hope you have a blessed week!

Praise the Lord!

I knew it was going to be a busy weekend, and I certainly wasn't wrong! But first things first, I must give some praise to God!! Let me begin with a little background. Last year before our trip to Disneyland, I took our dog in for her vaccinations. The main one she needed was her kennel cough vaccine. Our dog Lady is a member of the family. She is as good as a person in my book. She has helped me through some rough times like no person could. While we were away on our vacation I wanted to board her at a great place that is not like an average kennel. They let the dogs loose in the building, and the dogs have the freedom to play inside our outside. They are only caged for designated quiet times and bedtime. I felt really good about leaving her there. A week after her vaccinations, a few days before we were supposed to leave on our vacation Lady started coughing, she got pretty sick. You guessed it, she had kennel cough. I was so sad. It was so hard to see my puppy sick. I don't know how moms do it with their babies! Because she was sick, we couldn't take her to the place we wanted to board her. We ended up boarding her at the vets. I hadn't seen their boarding facility until I dropped her off. It was terrible, it was cold, and hard, loud, and just stressful. I left the building BAWLING. I was sobbing so hard on the phone when I called Mark to tell him, that he almost canceled our trip. Thoughts of our dog were looming over us the whole time we were gone. In the end it was kind of good that she was at the vet, because they had ti give her antibiotics. But it was so hard.

Fast forward to last week. We were planning on leaving our dog at Mark's mom's house, but with the memorial service we didn't know for sure that was going to work out, so last week we took her in to update her kennel cough vaccine. Thursday night while I was packing, she started coughing. She was coughing a lot. I was so bummed. I didn't want to leave town again with her sick. I ended up staying up very late that night. When I finally fell into bed, Lady crawled up onto the bed in between Mark and I. She layed with her head on the pillow next to me. I decided to exercise some thoughts from my "Believing God" bible study. I prayed for my dog completely believing that God cares about the desires of my heart, and the things that are important to me. I prayed that God would touch and heal Lady, and He did. I want to cry thinking about it. I know it may sound silly to some, but it was so important to me, and God knew!

The next praise came Friday evening on our way out of Boise. I was on the phone with my sister while I was driving. (Yes I know...) I was at a yield, waiting for a break in traffic, while giving my sister directions to my mother in law's house. I was about to go, and whack! The girl behind me ran into the back of my Explorer! GRRR! I was sure the weekend just went down the toilet, because my car was wrecked. I got out and looked, and there was barely a scratch on it!! The bumper on her pickup was crunched in quite a bit. Mark called 911. The city police officer called him back. In the end we exchanged information and got back on the road. After having been in 2 car accidents, this was a HUGE praise to me that there wasn't damage to our car, and no one was hurt!!

I was planning on giving a rundown of the whole weekend since my last blog entry in this post, but it's now 11 pm, and Mark is ready for bed. I'm starting to feel a little sleepy myself, so the update will wait for another day. Maybe tomorrow.

Doing MUCH better!

After my emotional meltdown the other night, I seem to be doing much better now.

"...Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning." Psalms 30:5

Grief is such a process. I want it to be over, but I guess it's what I have to remember our first child.

In other news, I have a bunch of quilt squares cut, and one layout done and ready to sew. I may get another cut and ready to go tonight. (They are rag quilts, so they are very quick to cut out.) I left work early today to get some things ready to go for this weekend, so I am officially on Funeral Leave. Yes, I said Funeral Leave. Marks Grandpa Honey from California passed away last week, and his memorial service for his Idaho family will be held tomorrow.

So we have a BUSY weekend ahead of us. We will leave tomorrow morning to go to Boise (2 hours northwest of where we live). After the service, we will drive to Salt Lake City, UT (3-ish hours southeast of where we live) for a mini-vacation that has been planned with my family for over a month. This is going to add up to a lot of time in the car tomorrow!

Saturday we will be going to Lagoon, an amusement park near Salt Lake City. I'm not sure what else we will be doing in the area, but you can be sure that I will have my camera handy! Have a good weekend!!

Reflections

I'm not sure what has me reflecting tonight, but I am. And I'm sad. We should be finishing up a nursery. We should be excitedly anticipating the arrival of our first child. Instead I'm trying to figure out when to start taking the pills that will begin my period to start a treatment cycle. The thought almost scares me. Will I ever be excited about a pregnancy? That was stolen from me. The day I found out the results of our first blood test, I was so sure I wasn't pregnant. Other than being more tired than normal, I wasn't feeling anything different. I almost didn't go in for the blood test, but I did. The nurse called while I was at home for lunch. She told me that my results were positive, but extremely low. "At least we know we can get you pregnant." Looking back, she knew then how it was going to work out. I didn't get to be excited. Not completely. For the only time I knew I had a baby inside me, I got to be scared. I tried to be positive, but the "what if" was always looming over me. If I do ever get to experience pregnancy again, will I always have that fear?

I have had years to figure out how I wanted to tell our parents we were expecting. In the end, we bought small photo brag books. I got some scrapbook paper, and cute stickers. With the stickers I spelled out "See you in November." We went over to my parents house. One of my sister's was there with her family. I had my 3 year old niece take the book to my mom in the kitchen. She was so stunned, she didn't know for sure what it meant. I went into the kitchen and told her it was true. In that very moment, she dropped to her knees in thanks to God. But then, as with everyone we told, I had to temper the news with uncertainty. Will that uncertainty ever go away?

I don't know why I'm such a downer tonight. It's been awhile. I'm just ready for this leg of the journey to be done, and move on to the next.

A Milestone!!

As of this morning I am officially missing 10% of myself. I've lost it, and I'd rather not find it again. 21.2 pounds of me is gone. If you're doing your math, then that means I started out in May at 212. I do have quite a ways to go, but this was the first "mini-goal" I had set for myself, and I have reached it. Yesterday I started on the last week of the "Believing God" series by Beth Moore. I'm just getting things checked off my honey-do list left and right! (If you're a new blog reader, you'll have to go back a few weeks to figure out that one.)

I mentioned yesterday about getting out fabrics to make gifts for friends that are expecting. I will expand on that a little bit. For the last several years I have been making rag quilts for several of my friends that have had babies. Sometimes this is hard for me to do. No, the quilts aren't hard to make. But the process of making a gift for a child coming into someone else's life while my arms are still empty can be hard. This is something I NEED to do though. It is as much for me as it is for them. I need to take my eyes off of my own circumstances and celebrate the blessing in other's lifes. It's a healing thing for me. I haven't been able to do that since we lost our baby earlier this year. I finally feel like I am in a place that I can do that again. At least for today.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow! Thank you LORD that you are sufficient to meet my needs. You know my hurts each day. You know that some days it's hard for me to be happy about a baby when I so badly miss our little one with you in heaven, but you are always there to hold me up. Thank you! Amen.

Quiet weekend at home

There really isn't much to say about this weekend. Friday night we grabbed a bite to eat, and went by Mark's mom's house to help her with her computer. Saturday morning we took Lady to the vet for vaccinations. She's in good health except for her teeth. She has quite a bit of tartar and some gingivitis. We're going to have to look into doing something about that.

Saturday afternoon we went to my parents house. We both got our hair cut, and I got mine colored. The color isn't anything too exciting. Just a slightly darker, freshened version of my own natural color. After we finished playing beauty shop, in exchanged for services rendered, I fixed dinner for the 4 of us. We had broiled salmon, baked potato and green beans, with berries and cream for dessert. We had to stop by Walmart on the way home to pick up a few things. When I walked by the fabrics, and a few things caught my eye. I picked up some Thomas the Train fabric to make a pillow for one of our nieces that LOVES Thomas.

Today I've been laying it low. I've pulled out some more fabrics to begin working on some gifts for dear friends that are expecting in the next few months. I'd love your input. Which of these "palettes" do you like best?

I guess I said a lot for not having anything to say!

Warning...

It's no secret that I want children. That has NEVER in my life been a secret. Even as a little girl, I longed for a family with lots of children. Now as an adult I would love 2 or 3, but I might be content with 1. Now Mark... he's content with our life the way it is now, but he was also very excited earlier this year when we found out we were expecting, and he was very sad when we lost the baby. He tells me often he's just along for the ride.


I am not looking to start a debate on medical treatments for infertility. I completely believe that is between a couple and God. In the daily devotion book Mark and I are reading together this mornings, "Moments for Couples who Long for Children" this very thing was addressed today. Some people will argue that seeking medical treatments shows a lack of faith. Is it a lack of faith to go to the doctor for antibiotics for strep throat? Or chemo for cancer? Or a cast for a broken arm? I really don't believe so. God has allowed us to live in a time where this technology is available. I do agree that we need to seek God's direction in utilizing the available technology. Each embryo that is created is a life, and that each life needs to be honored and protected. Our faith must be in God. He is the creator of life. He may use the hands of a doctor to do so, but ultimately it is in HIS hands.


We have prayed about this, and at this time feel at peace about doing one more treatment cycle this year. We will continue to pray for direction, and covet your prayers as well. If this is not God's will for us, I want the door to be very clearly shut. As things stand right now, the bulk of the finances for this cycle are in order. The timing works out very well for my job, and is getting better by the day for Mark's.


With all of this said, unless the gate is closed, we will be hopping on the roller coaster ride of treatment in the next couple of weeks. As a reader of this blog, you have an invitation to ride along with us. That's where the warning comes in. For those of you who were not along for the ride on the last roller coaster, I must caution you-- It is not pretty. You may learn things that are not for the faint of heart. Things you really may not want to know, like periods and sperm count. However I will be sharing it all.

As you ride along with us on this roller coaster, I do have something to ask of you. While I do understand that I am sharing intimate details of my life in what could be a very public way. I am happy to answer questions that you might have, but I do ask that you respect our privacy especially in sharing our intimate details (and hopefully announcements) with other people, especially our family members that don't read this blog. I do need an outlet to talk through these feelings, emotions and experiences, but the last thing I want is to feel I need to justify myself to someone else.

One last thing--please make sure your safety belt is securely latched, and hands and feet are inside the ride at all times!

Gaining lost ground...

Or maybe it's losing gained ground? I guess it depends on how you look at it!

When I am really putting forth effort to lose weight (as I have been) I get a wee-bit compulsive about weighing myself. I am someone who likes gratification, and as instantly as possible. I know I should only weigh myself once a week, but I don't. It's more... um..... daily. So today when I weighed myself, THANKFULLY, I am back to my low weight from last week, so I have gotten rid of my gain from the weekend splurges. I have now lost 19 pounds. It's probably a unreasonable to hope for another 6 pound loss before we start a treatment cycle in just a couple of weeks, but that won't stop me from aiming at 25 pounds!

On another note last night, we enjoyed some of the fruits of this weekends labor. We had thawed out a bag of corn to have with dinner. YUMMY! But the words of our friend Jamie ring in my ears. This was several years ago, and he was talking to his then 3 year old son, but his words still hold true: "Son, see there. Your body has no use for corn." Enough said. Too bad I still like corn!

A Slippery Slope

I've been doing so good on my weightloss. Very motivated. I planned ahead with my Weight Watcher's points this last week for a little "splurge" for Mark's birthday. Friday night I surprised Mark with a trip to the movies to see a movie he had really been looking forward to-- The Bourne Ultimatum. I simply can not go to the movies without movie theater popcorn. It's so expensive at the theater, but I love it. And a medium is so small. But the large is only 50 cents more than the medium. The Jumbo is only 50 cents more than the large.... and so we hopped on the slippery slope! In addition to the movie theater, we also stopped by the county fair... Couldn't resist the chocolate iced mini donuts. Testing the yummy buttery corn we were freezing. Then there was the bbq for Mark's and Justice's birthday, and the cake and ice cream, just to name a few things. One thing after another. At one point late in the week, I was down almost 2 pounds from the beginning of the week. I started this week up 1/2 a pound from last Monday. Disappointing, but worth it for a great weekend with my honey. So today starts a new week, and a new chance to get some more weight off.

Birthday Boys!

Today is Mark's 28th birthday, and tomorrow is our nephew Justice's 1st birthday. Tonight we went to my parents house for a birthday party for both of them. A good time was had by all!

Happy birthday boys! I love you both!!

Domestic Work

do·mes·tic Pronunciation [duh-mes-tik] –adjective
1. of or pertaining to the home, the household, household affairs, or the family: domestic pleasures.

Mark and I decided to take on a domestic chore this weekend. On second thought, I guess that's not entirely accurate--I decided, Mark followed along. Such a good man I have!! We went to a farm in Jerome, and picked up 5 baker's dozen ears of corn. Mark had already brought several ears of corn home a couple of days earlier, so all in all Friday night we had about 70 ears of corn.

Mark shucked the corn. I washed it. He cut it off the cob, and I measured out the ingredients (corn, butter, salt, sugar and water) and cooked it for a few minutes. I wasn't able to find the recipe we used a couple of years ago, and I think this one was a little different, so we had to taste it of course. OH so yummy!!

After letting the tub of corn cool overnight, This morning I portioned it just right for our little family, and bagged it. 23 bags of corn, ready for the freezer. Not quite as much as I wanted. I was hoping for closer to 40 bags. So back to the farm I went for another 6 baker's dozen bags. (FYI, in case you aren't familiar with a baker's dozen, it's a dozen plus 1-- reasons for this differ. I think it's so there's plenty for tasting!) ;)

That batch this morning yielded a very full tub. Much more than last night! We got another 29 bags from that. We took several bags to each of our parents. I told my mom to consider it rent on the electric knife she didn't know we broke into her house and borrowed the night before.

I love being able to pull a bag of corn from the freezer in he middle of winter, put it in a bowl in the microwave for a few minutes, and have yummy, very fresh tasting side dish. Maybe some day I'll be able to be more domestic and do other things beside corn. But this is a good start for now!

Sleeepy Kitty

Here is our Ginger Kitty napping in one of her favorite resting places,

while Mark plays in one of his favorite places too! :)

New addiction

Nothing too exciting at our house, but I have discovered a new addiction-- LOST. I had heard people rave about the tv series Lost, but I had never seen it before. In fact, I wasn't really too interested in seeing it. There just isn't much worth seeing on tv in the summer, so I decided to give Lost a try through netflix. I'm HOOKED! In fact this weekend, I ended up renting most of season 2 at a local video store because I didn't want to wait for a new disk to be shipped from netflix. I'm such a silly girl! :) So I crocheted some booties as a gift for a friend who is expecting, and watched Lost all weekend. Mark had NO interest AT ALL in watching it with me has gotten a bit sucked in as well. I have to pause and catch him up a lot. Missing one episode of that show can leave you missing a lot of pieces of the puzzle. Season 3 isn't on DVD yet, so I have to figure out how to catch myself up the rest of the way before their next season starts!