What's new?

Well, we've had some big changes in our house.  Where do I begin?  I guess we can start with the blogging absence.  My most recent blogging absence coincides directly with my return to full time work after Emma was born.  I was new at my job when we learned we had been chosen to adopt Emma.  My employer was amazing to work with in the time after Emma was born.  They gave me as much time as I needed before returning to work full time.  This was above and beyond, because they were not required to give me a single minute off as a new employee.  I was set to return to work full time on December 1. I struggled with going back to work and putting Emma in daycare.  I reviewed our budget.  I just couldn't see a way to make it without my income.  So back to work I went.

I really enjoyed my job.  It was a good fit for me.  Emma was in a great daycare three days a week that she loved.  They were taking good care of her.  The daycare was very close to my office.  The other two work days, I took her to my mom's house in the neighboring town.  Who could take better care of her than grandma?  My boss was great to let me come into work an hour late on the days I took her to my  mom's house, so I didn't have to leave so early in the morning.  What a great boss is that?

So everything is great, right? Well, mostly.  Except there were things that fell behind while I wasn't working full time.  So I would spend time catching up on one project.  While others fell behind.  Then I would move on to something else.  Then as with many small children in daycare, Emma got sick.  Over. and over. and over. again.  So here I am, torn.  I don't want to miss work and fall any further behind.  But this is my baby girl, and she needs me.  Or at least I feel like she needs me.  Maybe it was me that needed to be with her?  Then there's the house.  The only time the house was really cleaned was when we had a visit planned with the adoption agency case worker.  And my marriage.  Not that my marriage was bad, but it sure wasn't getting the attention it deserved.

As the months went by, I started getting very anxious and emotional.  It felt like I was living in a house of cards.  Like everything was going to fall down around me.  There was a constant feeling of impending doom.  I thought maybe it was the fact that Emma's adoption was not yet finalized, and some hiccups we were running into with the adoption agency.  However Emma's adoption was finalized in May.  The anxiety continued.  It got to the point that I broke down and called my doctor to explore the possibility of anti-depressants. 

Shortly after I took that step, I went to a Pampered Chef party at a friends house.  There was a lady there that I had never met.  I don't even remember what she spoke of exactly.  But she was talking about being a stay at home mom.  And how even when it looks like they aren't going to make it financially, God always meets their needs, and it is worth every sacrifice they make for her to be there to raise their children.  I told her that was my hope in another year or so when the adoption expenses are payed off.

I came home, started praying.  We did some creative financing, and within a couple of weeks had paid off the car and a couple of other smaller bills.  I started composing my letter of resignation.  The cloud over me started to lift.  Then Emma got sick again.  My boss told me I didn't need to be at work.  However I couldn't let myself get any further behind at work.  There was one thing I needed to get done.  I thought it would take no more than half a day, and I would go home to be with my girl.  Eleven hours later, I was leaving the office.  I was so upset that I had let that happen.  My daughter needed me, and I was at work for 11 hours!  I was bawling.  I came home that night and talked it over with Mark.  There simply wasn't enough of me to go around.  As much as I liked my job, and felt dedicated to it, it shouldn't be at the expense of my daughter, my marriage or my home.

July 2 I turned in a 30 day notice.  My boss tried to find other ways that I could do both, and spend more time with my daughter.  I really felt like I needed to just be at home with Emma for now.  Maybe I will find a way to work from home later.  But for now, I just need to be Emma's mom and Mark's wife.  Then she asked if I would be flexible with that 30 day notice while they looked for a replacement.  There were a couple of different replacements chosen that didn't work out.  So my 30 day notice got a lot closer to 60 days.  But last week I finished out my job.  I put in some LONG hours as I approached the end.  I'm glad I did.  I feel good about it.  I didn't get to everything I wanted to.  But I did what I could.

Now I'm home with my girl.  Who is sick.  Again.  Good thing I had no pressure to figure out what to do with her so I could go to work today.  I just stayed home with her.  I'm feeling good, and didn't end up with anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds.  I've also had eczema on my hands for about a year and a half that has cleared up on it's own now.  How cool is that!?  I do miss my co-workers, and the individuals they provide support services for, but that doesn't compare to being with Emma.  I know eventually I'll look for some time to myself.  We'll cross that bridge when we get there.  For now I'm happy.

That's what's new here.  Next time I'll post pictures.  You're not going to believe this, but Emma is fast approaching one year old!  She's walking and jabbering.  I love this girl!!
 

I interrupt this blogging absence...

I interrupt this blogging absence to say a happy birthday to my Mama Lucy in heaven.  

(Yes, the baby that looks like a boy is me)

Depending on your level of Niki knowledge, you may or may not know about Mama Lucy.  So for those of you who don't know, please allow me to introduce you to my first mom, Lucille Sharon.  Mama Lucy passed away when she was 24 years old after a battle with cancer, leaving me to be raised by her sister, now my mom.  (Got the connections?  Clear as mud?  Good.)

Tuesday, September 7, would have been her 54th birthday.   I will be the first to tell you I had a great childhood.  I was raised in a wonderful, loving family by great parents.  But oh how there are days that I wish she could see.  I so wish she could have seen me graduate from high school, or get married, or meet my little Emma Lucille.  Thankfully I know the day will come, that I will see her again.  But until then...  Happy birthday in Heaven Mama Lucy.



P.S. There have been some major changes in my life.  I can't promise that will mean more frequent blogging, but I'm fairly confident it will.  I'll be back to update on that in just a little bit.

Forever Family

Seven years ago, Mark and I became a family.  Most people don't see it that way.  In their minds it takes a child to make a family.  This simply isn't true.  We spent six and a half years as a family of two.  Our desire (well, mostly mine) was to add a child to that family for that entire six and a half years.  But I truly treasure that time with the two of us.  Mark is my best friend.

Seven and a half months ago the baby we hoped and dreamed of for so many years was placed into our arms.  In that moment our hearts knew we were now a family of three.

While our hearts knew this, it took the legal adoption process a little while to catch up. :)   We had some hiccups along the way with our adoption agency.  That is a topic for another time.  Two weeks ago, we went to court to finalize our baby girl's adoption.  There were more hiccups with the agency.  The judge approved the adoption as of that day, pending receipt of some additional paperwork from the adoption agency and Idaho Department of Health and Welfare.  As much as we wanted to celebrate that day, we couldn't do it.  We went to breakfast, but it just didn't feel like celebration day.  After all of the loss, and loss of control with infertility and pregnancy loss, I was just waiting for something else to go wrong, for everything to unravel.

This past Friday, I opened the mailbox to find papers from the attorney.  Our certified papers.  We are forever.  The tears came.  Finally, we are free to celebrate!

On that note, it's almost tomorrow.  Tomorrow is Monday... I better get to bed.  Goodnight world!

We Are the Truth

 This information is re-posted (ie, copied almost word for word-only the names of the innocent have been changed) from Wendy and Becky.  Thanks for the info ladies!


We Are The Truth – An Adoption Blogger Day: To ensure the world knows about every successful adoption, on Thursday, April 15, 2010 blog about your adoption or the adoption of someone you know. It doesn’t matter if your adoption is with Russia, domestic or otherwise international. Let the world know your truth!


If you are here, you most likely know that our daughter Emma was brought into our lives through the miracle of adoption. There are, of course, exceptions to the successful adoption story. But these are just that. Exceptions.

"We are the Truth" was begun after a little boy, Artyem, was adopted by a family in the United States and then "sent back" to Russia. It is important to understand that adoptive children have the same "percentage of problems" that biological children have. However, if an adopted child has issues it is "because he was adopted." Have you ever heard someone say, "Well, that child had a lot of problems but can you blame him? He was a biological child." Adoption becomes the "reason" even when it very well may not be. Biological parents abandon their children as well.

The outrageous treatment of Artyem by his adoptive family has rightfully resulted in outrage by the Governments of Russia and the United States and all who care about children. The tragedy has cast a light on intercountry adoption that says it is not safe, the system failed and adopted children cause insurmountable problems. The heartbreak of Artyem Saviliev’s abandonment has once again elevated a singular incident to a level which may result in the suspension of intercountry adoption. Suspending adoption, even temporarily, will only cause thousands of children to suffer the debilitating effects of life in an orphanage.

You, the community of adoptees, adoptive parents, adoptive grandparents, child welfare professionals and child advocates know that the outrageous and indefensible actions of one parent are not indicative of how children are treated by adoptive families. You know that families who encounter difficulties do not simply abandon their child. You know that help is available, that solutions are found and that families can thrive. And you know that suspending adoption does not protect children but only subjects them to the depravity of an institution…and an entire life without a family.

You, the adoption community know the truth. You live the truth. You are the truth.

Join our campaign to bring the truth to light and help children in need find a permanent and safe family.

You can help! Please:

(1) Sign the letter to President Medvedev and President Obama: The letter asks both Presidents to ensure that intercountry adoption continues uninterrupted and to aggressively investigate and prosecute anyone involved in the abuse of children. You can sign anytime, but doing so before Tuesday night would help us get the letters to both Presidents before President Medvedev leaves the U.S. Click here to sign the letter.

(2) And then PLEASE consider linking to my blog from your blog. Tell the story of our adoption of Emma or of your adoption or of another adoption you know of!  Share how you have witnessed her life joining to our lives. Tell everyone who reads your blog that adoption is not what this ONE story has painted it to be. It is the exception NOT the rule.

Please help! We don't want children to be hurt by one family's mistake.

(One handed here.. There's only one reason these days that I would be up at 2:30 am)


Look at the difference in Emma between these pictures of Em with the same sun glasses on....

Return from a long blogging absence,

Here it is, my come back tour.  This is not my first blogging absence, and certainly won't be the last.  Emma is very content in the tub right now jabbering, kicking and splashing.  Now before you go calling CPS on me, I am sitting on the floor next to the tub shielding my laptop from the splashes.  I've been pretty good keeping up on facebook.  But I can do short updates one-handed.  The blog.  It requires two hands.  I simply don't have access to both of my hands at the same time too much anymore when I'm home.  Not that I'm complaining.  PLEASE don't think I'm complaining.

Our baby girl is six months old today.  Can you believe it?  I can't.  Well, I guess in some ways I can.  In some ways I can hardly remember our lives without her.  In other ways it seems like just yesterday we got that midnight call that she had made her entrance into the world.

She is constantly changing before our eyes.  It's not till I look back at the pictures that I realize HOW MUCH she's changed.  As part of our adoption, we had to have 3 followup or "Post Placement" visits from our social worker.  We had to update the social worker with new pictures at each visit.  So I compiled two "picture pages" for her at each visit.

These first two pages were from 1-2 months given to our social worker at her two month visit.

These next two pages were at our second visit at four months old.  They are pictures from 2-4 months.

These last two pages were from our final (yes FINAL) visit with the social worker just last week.  They contain pictures from 4-6 months.

Isn't it crazy how much she's changed?  Sadly, she's been sick with one thing or another for much of the last two months. (Back to typing one handed now since someone doesn't want to go to bed tonight).

So, here are some facts about our girl:

•  she weighs 16 pounds, and is 25 1/2 inches long.
• she has no interest in rolling over.  none.
• she has two teeth; got them one and two weeks ago. she's done great with teething so far.
• she likes her big girl food. She's currently eating oatmeal cereal, rice cereal, sweet potatoes, bananas, pears, peas and carrots.
• she is very interested in food we are eating.
• she normally (although not tonight) puts herself to sleep at night. she still sleeps in mommy and daddy's room.  I think that's more for us than her though.
• she had a major growth spurt, and finally got out of newborn clothes when she was 4 months old.  Now she's in 6 month clothes!
• she notices everything around her.
• she recognizes that she knows some people, and not others, and she's starting to be very leery of strangers.
• she loves kisses and snuggles.

and lastly for tonight...

• she is asleep... so I'm going to get her to bed

Poor sick baby girl at the doctor. Lungs and ears are clear. Looks like it's just her first cold.

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Look who is FOUR months old. I'm posting from my phone now. I'll have to come back another time soon to give ao update.

Amazing Black Friday deal!!

I was feeling under the weather this year for Thanksgiving, and Black Friday, so I didn't brave the early crowds.  There really wasn't anything I was too excited about getting.  But Emma and I did venture out in the afternoon to grab a couple of good deals.  One was on Daddy's Christmas gift.  The other was on little girl clothes. One of my new favorite stores is called Once Upon a Child.  They sell gently used (good quality) children's clothing, toys, equipment and furniture.  Our local franchise had a great Black Friday deal.  Purchase a $20 Once Upon a Child gift card, and get a $10 Baby Bucks (which are just like cash in their store).  In addition to this deal, they had all infant clearance clothing for $1 each.  So, I got:


3 one piece outfits
2 two piece outfits
1 three piece outfit
5 pairs of jeans
1 jumper dress
2 dresses
1 nightgown
1 jacket
2 sweaters
3 shirts

Mixed in with these were brand names such as Carter, Gymboree, Ralph Lauren, Sketchers, and Tommy Hilfiger.   I also purchased (2) $20 gift cards, and will save them for later to buy a high chair.  So are you ready for this?  Not counting the gift cards (because that is money I would have spent later anyway), after the baby bucks, I spent $2.79 on all of those clothes.  That was only because I couldn't resist a very cute little pair of jeans for Emma that were not on clearance.  Some of the clothes are for Emma's cousin Katherine to use first, but wow, what a great deal!  I'm going to have to say that is my best ever Black Friday deal.

2 months old

I can hardly believe it. She's two months old. In celebration, we went to the doctor, and got shots. :(

She did really well with the shots, but poor thing is sure fussy tonight. I feel really bad for her. They said to give her tylenol every 4 hours for a couple of days.

She weighed 9 lbs 11 oz. (20th percentile)

She is 22 inches long (45th percentile)

Her head is 15 inches (35th percentile)

She is right on track with her development. He was very pleased with everything.

Here are a couple of pictures and a video of bathtime Monday. Her last bath as a 1 month old.

Random Pictures

Such a girl... reaching for the phone already.

Beautiful curly hair... Well, curly when wet...

and CRAZY when dry.

We had a baby shower last week. We brought home a sea of gift bags full of goodies! So many people were excited to meet Emma and celebrate her becoming a part of our family.

Emma was a pumpkin for Halloween. The weather was great, so we went trick or treating up and down our little street with my niece.

And here she is with our newest toy, the Bumbo seat! We used one of the gift cards we received at our baby shower to get this. She's still a tad small for it, but she liked sitting up and looking around.

New hat

The previous post was made from my cellphone, so not the greatest picture. But I had to let Auntie see her new hat. I crocheted the hat. It was quick & easy. I purchased the flower clip. I'm going to have to learn how to make the flower clips next.

How cute is that?

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Say Cheese!

Bummer! Not sure why the whole thing isn't showing. Click on the picture to see the full picture and read all about it.

Just Pictures

I took a series of photos the other night. She would NOT look at the camera. This one looks like she is saying ENOUGH already!!

4 weeks old!

4 weeks ago right about now I was awakened from a deep sleep (I took something to help me sleep because I couldn't turn off my mind) to my phone ringing.  It was our caseworker calling to tell us that baby girl decided she didn't want to wait for the 8 am scheduled c-section.  She arrived at 12:33 am.  She's been working on her own schedule since then.  This would be why I'm awake at nearly 1 am.  It's been quite a month.  But we are thrilled to have her.  She's an amazing joy.

I don't have the energy to look pick pictures to upload.  Maybe later in the day.  Depends on how much sleep I end up getting.

Look at those lips!

Look at that face!!  Kissable isn't it?  I think it is.  We've had a rough go of it this week.  I've wanted to be a mom for so long, and then it happens.  We're entirely responsible for another human being.  The decisions I make effect her.  She hasn't been feeling well.  First she was constipated.  Poor thing was so uncomfortable.  I switched her formula to see if that would help.  She was on the new formula for about 30 hours before I decided that was for the birds!  She was no longer constipated.  She went the other way if you know what I mean...  She had horrible gas, and was absolutely miserable.  If you've been around a miserable baby, you know that that makes a miserable house.  I switched her back to the original formula today and she already seems better.  There's my decision making.  I should have gone with my gut on this one. Live and learn.  We switched doctors today.  I think we're really going to like the pediatrician.  He said she's doing great.  Everything looked and sounded good.  She's gaining weight wonderfully.

One of the nurses at the hospital where Emma was born talked to me.  She told me that everyone would have advice.  But there is no one in the world who is an expert on THIS baby right now.  But she said to give it a few months and I would be the expert on her.  I guess we'll find out.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness

Today was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day.  Today I am remembering our children, and the children of my friends who left this earth earlier than we would have chosen.  My heart hurts for my friends out there with empty arms.  I certainly don't want to rub salt in anyone's wounds, but I want to be real here.  As I sit here with my daughter in my lap, I can't help but marvel at God's hand in everything.  I miss my children that are in heaven.  I don't know why God chose the path He did for us.  I don't know why he gave us those children for such a short stay here on Earth.  But I do know that if  even one of those children had been our take-home babies, I wouldn't have Emma here on my lap.  I'm not sure what my point is... But I do thank God for His plan, even when it hurts to be in the middle of it. All of this while still remembering those beautiful babies that were here with us for such a short time.  We miss you little ones.  You truly changed the shape of my heart forever.

Thank you Auntie

Thank you Auntie for the ladybug outfit!