New hat

The previous post was made from my cellphone, so not the greatest picture. But I had to let Auntie see her new hat. I crocheted the hat. It was quick & easy. I purchased the flower clip. I'm going to have to learn how to make the flower clips next.

How cute is that?

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Say Cheese!

Bummer! Not sure why the whole thing isn't showing. Click on the picture to see the full picture and read all about it.

Just Pictures

I took a series of photos the other night. She would NOT look at the camera. This one looks like she is saying ENOUGH already!!

4 weeks old!

4 weeks ago right about now I was awakened from a deep sleep (I took something to help me sleep because I couldn't turn off my mind) to my phone ringing.  It was our caseworker calling to tell us that baby girl decided she didn't want to wait for the 8 am scheduled c-section.  She arrived at 12:33 am.  She's been working on her own schedule since then.  This would be why I'm awake at nearly 1 am.  It's been quite a month.  But we are thrilled to have her.  She's an amazing joy.

I don't have the energy to look pick pictures to upload.  Maybe later in the day.  Depends on how much sleep I end up getting.

Look at those lips!

Look at that face!!  Kissable isn't it?  I think it is.  We've had a rough go of it this week.  I've wanted to be a mom for so long, and then it happens.  We're entirely responsible for another human being.  The decisions I make effect her.  She hasn't been feeling well.  First she was constipated.  Poor thing was so uncomfortable.  I switched her formula to see if that would help.  She was on the new formula for about 30 hours before I decided that was for the birds!  She was no longer constipated.  She went the other way if you know what I mean...  She had horrible gas, and was absolutely miserable.  If you've been around a miserable baby, you know that that makes a miserable house.  I switched her back to the original formula today and she already seems better.  There's my decision making.  I should have gone with my gut on this one. Live and learn.  We switched doctors today.  I think we're really going to like the pediatrician.  He said she's doing great.  Everything looked and sounded good.  She's gaining weight wonderfully.

One of the nurses at the hospital where Emma was born talked to me.  She told me that everyone would have advice.  But there is no one in the world who is an expert on THIS baby right now.  But she said to give it a few months and I would be the expert on her.  I guess we'll find out.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness

Today was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day.  Today I am remembering our children, and the children of my friends who left this earth earlier than we would have chosen.  My heart hurts for my friends out there with empty arms.  I certainly don't want to rub salt in anyone's wounds, but I want to be real here.  As I sit here with my daughter in my lap, I can't help but marvel at God's hand in everything.  I miss my children that are in heaven.  I don't know why God chose the path He did for us.  I don't know why he gave us those children for such a short stay here on Earth.  But I do know that if  even one of those children had been our take-home babies, I wouldn't have Emma here on my lap.  I'm not sure what my point is... But I do thank God for His plan, even when it hurts to be in the middle of it. All of this while still remembering those beautiful babies that were here with us for such a short time.  We miss you little ones.  You truly changed the shape of my heart forever.

Thank you Auntie

Thank you Auntie for the ladybug outfit!

 

Three weeks old already

I can't believe it!  Emma is three weeks old already.  Overall she's doing pretty well.  We've had some struggles over the last few days.  I suspect we're dealing with reflux, and also that her formula is disagreeing with her.  Poor little thing.  We have an appointment with the pediatrition on Thursday (a ped that was no longer accepting new patients--THANKS AUNTIE!!) so hopefully we will have more answers then.  For now I have switched her to soy formula to see if that is any easier for her to digest.  I felt terrible Monday night when I went to change her diaper after a feeding and formula came spewing out of her nose.  She was sleeping at the time.  What a RUDE awakening!  All of this discomfort has caused problems sleeping for everyone in the house.  However she seems to be sleeping well now, so I must follow that previously mentioned mommy rule... sleep when baby sleeps!  So here are a few pictures.  I'm guessing that's what most of you are here for anyway! (And who can blame you? She's adorable!)

Adoption/Birth Announcement

Having a nice relaxing soak in the tub.

Wide awake at 1:30 am.  Looks like she's enjoying it!

Crashed in the swing.  She didn't start out there.  She sleeps best on one of us.  But I needed to get some things done, so I put her in the swing once she was out.

The late nights are wearing on us a bit, but this little girl truly is a joy!  We are so thankful to have her in our lives.

Daddy & Emma

I've gotta give my hubby props. He has stepped up to be an amazing father. He helps with everything to do with her care.  He takes turns with me at night so that we can both get some sleep.  He CAN'T STAND to see her cry.  To see the love and care he has for our daughter truly warms my heart. I do however have a feeling, Emma is going to have Daddy wrapped around her finger!

Two weeks old!

I can hardly believe that as of about 5 minutes ago, Emma is two weeks old.  This mom stuff is hard.  I'm not going to lie.  It's so much harder than I thought it was going to be.  And the open adoption... WOW.  I was nowhere near prepared for the emotional toll that was going to take.  Please don't get me wrong.  I wouldn't trade our situation for anything in the world.  But it's not easy.  We care so much for Emma birth parents.  As a side note they are in fact birth parents now. Where before they were expectant parents, or parents.  Last week they signed papers in front of a judge terminating their parental rights.  Hearing those words from the caseworker were so bittersweet.  Knowing that she was in fact to be our daughter was amazing.  But knowing the hurt that her birthparents were going through was heart wrenching.  We spent several days with them.  These people love this little girl.  They love her more than words can say. I have complete and total confidence in that.  They just want more for her than they can provide right now.  We are so honored to be what they felt was best for their daughter.  I really feel God had his hand on the whole situation.  I will treasure the time we had in the hospital with Emmas birth parents.

I was sleepwalking into the living room with Emma in my arms shortly before I began this post.  She was angry.  It was time to eat.  (Funny thing, the girl growls when she's mad.  Seriously, she growls, and I think she tries to do crunches too.  I'm going to have to record this.)  I can soothe her most of the time now.  That is humbling.  When she is very upset.  Often if I pick her up and hold her close, her cheek against my cheek and talk to her, most of the time that is all she needs to begin to settle.  This is amazing to me. Anyhow, back to sleepwalking tonight.  I settled her down, fed her, changed her and burped her.  By this time she was very alert and taking in her surroundings.  I couldn't help it.  I had to smootch those cheeks.  I gave her smootches on one side of her face, and then the other.  Then I gave her a quick kiss and she grinned at me and made a noise.  I know, I know you're going to tell me it's too early to laugh.  But I'm going to say that moment was worth the 12 am feeding.  Now I'll have to see if it was worth the coming 2, 4, 6 am feedings.  If we can space them that far apart tonight.

Well, baby girl seems to be fast asleep now.  So I must follow the new mommy rule.  Sleep when baby sleeps.  Oh, and I changed to the new blogger editor, and they seem to have removed the spellcheck with the new editor.  So you'll have to forgive me.  I'll check my spelling later.  I'm pooped!  Blessed, but pooped.

Home safe & sound

 

 

So have I mentioned her name here yet? I have mommy brain already.  I can't keep things straight.  I don't know who I've told what!  Meet Emma Lucille Memry. Today was amazingly hard.  I will maybe get more into that later.  I was so unprepared for how much it would hurt.  I knew it would hurt the birth parents.  They each have other children.  They are so aware of what they are giving up.  They are truly doing what they feel is best for her.  The most unselfish thing imaginable.  We have really come to care for them a great deal.  We have bonded with them like no one at the hospital or the adoption agency has ever seen.  We each had rooms at the hospital, and we spent time hanging out in each others rooms.  Everyone was so careful about guarding each others feelings.  I feel very defensive for them.  They are family now.  There were many tears today.  I have more tears welling up now as I think about it.  Today was the day my dreams came true.  We brought our baby girl home.  But today also ranks right up there with the most difficult experiences in my life.   I would say it closely rivals our days of pregnancy loss.  There are many people looking in here often to see updated pictures of this beauty.  I would ask that whenever you think of our little one, please take a moment to say a prayer for her birth parents.  These coming days are sure to be difficult ones for them.

Things seem to be going pretty well today. Mark's aunt is a photographer and came to the hospital to do some professional pictures, so we got permission to get her out of her "inmate attire" and put her in a pretty dress. I can't wait to see how the professional pictures turn out. So now what you're all here for. More pictures. I've had demands from Aunties and HP Aunties for more. I'll try to get more later, but no promises. We should be home tomorrow!

Pictures

She's beautiful! We're quite smitten with this little girl. Everyone is healthy. Birthmom is doing well, birthdad is really struggling. Please keep them in your prayers. Here are some pictures. There are sure to be more. We're on our way back to the hospital. I'll see if I can post from there.

It's a girl. Keep praying.

Climate Change

The term climate change can be a hot button issue these days. But don't worry, I'm not getting political on my blog. I do however want to give warning that the climate of my blog is about to change. By now those of you who don't know may already be guessing the good news on the horizon. I'm still not announcing anything just yet. But I really don't want anyone to be shocked or hurt when I do. So if you're following my blog, or have my feed, you may want to remove it if you think an announcement may sting. It won't hurt my feelings. I know your pain well!

No updates yet

I'm sorry to be so cryptic with the last post. I'm afraid this isn't going to be much clearer. We hope that by this time next week we have good news to report. Thank you all for your prayers and words of support.

Good news is on the horizon...

I've been holding back for a couple of weeks. I'm not going to say too much more than that at this point. But if all goes as it appears to now, good news is coming to a blog near you. Or at least a blog near us. :)

Me with a Peruvian Boa

When life gives you lemons, make baby forumla.

Huh? Let me explain.


When I was pregnant this last fall, I registered on a couple of websites to track the progress of our pregnancy. I also bought something at a maternity store, all of which asked for my due date. One of these places sold my name address and due date. So starting in late June I started getting "Welcome Baby" packages from baby formula manufacturers. The first time I got one of those packages out of the mailbox it nearly sucked the air right out of me. It was a reminder that we will never hold our precious Bella in our earthly arms. I was crushed, and Mark just wanted to get rid of the formula. Once I got myself together, I checked the date on the formula can. It's good for nearly a year. There's a reasonable chance we could have a baby home in that time. Since then I've gotten what seems to be weekly formula checks. They are basically coupons. I hate to see them go to waste. So I've been buying formula. We don't want to spend a ton of money on formula right now because we don't know when baby will be coming home, and the last thing we want to do is waste money. So I've been buying mostly Ready to Use formula. (It's liquid, don't add water). This is the most expensive formula per serving. But it's the cheapest per can. So if I have a $5 formula check, and the Ready to Feed formula is $5.88 to $6.49 per can (depending upon brand) I can use the check and not have too much invested. I'm building up quite a stash. Baby isn't even here yet, and he or she already has their own cabinet in the kitchen.


I figure if we don't have a baby home by the time this stuff gets closer to expiring, I'll donate the stash to the local pregnancy crisis center, and be a blessing to someone else.