Two weeks old!

I can hardly believe that as of about 5 minutes ago, Emma is two weeks old.  This mom stuff is hard.  I'm not going to lie.  It's so much harder than I thought it was going to be.  And the open adoption... WOW.  I was nowhere near prepared for the emotional toll that was going to take.  Please don't get me wrong.  I wouldn't trade our situation for anything in the world.  But it's not easy.  We care so much for Emma birth parents.  As a side note they are in fact birth parents now. Where before they were expectant parents, or parents.  Last week they signed papers in front of a judge terminating their parental rights.  Hearing those words from the caseworker were so bittersweet.  Knowing that she was in fact to be our daughter was amazing.  But knowing the hurt that her birthparents were going through was heart wrenching.  We spent several days with them.  These people love this little girl.  They love her more than words can say. I have complete and total confidence in that.  They just want more for her than they can provide right now.  We are so honored to be what they felt was best for their daughter.  I really feel God had his hand on the whole situation.  I will treasure the time we had in the hospital with Emmas birth parents.

I was sleepwalking into the living room with Emma in my arms shortly before I began this post.  She was angry.  It was time to eat.  (Funny thing, the girl growls when she's mad.  Seriously, she growls, and I think she tries to do crunches too.  I'm going to have to record this.)  I can soothe her most of the time now.  That is humbling.  When she is very upset.  Often if I pick her up and hold her close, her cheek against my cheek and talk to her, most of the time that is all she needs to begin to settle.  This is amazing to me. Anyhow, back to sleepwalking tonight.  I settled her down, fed her, changed her and burped her.  By this time she was very alert and taking in her surroundings.  I couldn't help it.  I had to smootch those cheeks.  I gave her smootches on one side of her face, and then the other.  Then I gave her a quick kiss and she grinned at me and made a noise.  I know, I know you're going to tell me it's too early to laugh.  But I'm going to say that moment was worth the 12 am feeding.  Now I'll have to see if it was worth the coming 2, 4, 6 am feedings.  If we can space them that far apart tonight.

Well, baby girl seems to be fast asleep now.  So I must follow the new mommy rule.  Sleep when baby sleeps.  Oh, and I changed to the new blogger editor, and they seem to have removed the spellcheck with the new editor.  So you'll have to forgive me.  I'll check my spelling later.  I'm pooped!  Blessed, but pooped.