More thoughs I've been thinking...

Here I go with a controversial topic.  What am I thinking putting this out there for the world small handful of blog readers I have left to read?  I conflict.  I hate confrontation.  But yet, here I am.  I have some more thoughts I've been thinking today, and I'm going to use my blog to process these thoughts.  I really should be sleeping.  But here I go.

I will start by saying, I believe life begins at conception.  I believe that abortion stops a beating heart.  Conclude what you will from that.

Before I left the workforce to spend my days in my jammies eating bon-bons and watching daytime tv stay home with Emma, I worked in an office building.  The main entrance to that office shared a small entryway with the local branch of what is known in pro-life circles as one of the nations largest abortion providers.  (Note I'm purposely not mentioning their name here.)  I've been told that abortions are not performed in this specific branch, but rather referred to another branch in a larger city.  Every year in the 40 days leading up to Easter, pro-life groups would stand in protest daily outside this office building.  It is my understanding that it is a national campaign.  I believe a fair number of these protesters go to my own church.  (We drove by that building today, sparking this stream of thoughts.)

Each day as I walked into my office, I would be embarrassed.  Why?  Why was I embarrassed?  I certainly wasn't going to have an abortion.  Wasn't even considering it.  Wasn't even entering that clinic.  Then there's the pesky fact, that thus far my body has been unable to successfully sustain a pregnancy.  Most days these protesters never said a word to me.  They didn't have to.  The judgment and condemnation oozed from their pores.  This condemnation was directed at anyone walking toward that building.  They did try to force literature on some of my co-workers.  I wonder is this REALLY the way to go?  I guess only God truly knows how effective this tactic is. But I can tell you, it left a seriously bad taste in my mouth.  Out of the nearly 6 weeks that the protesters were there daily, only two ladies kindly greeted me.  I wanted to hug them, but instead thanked them for their kind greeting, and told them that made a difference in my day.

Yes, there are people out there who have repeated abortions, as some sort of means of birth control.  But I'm guessing far more than that feel they are simply not in a place in their life to care for a child, they probably feel scared and backed into a corner, with no other way out.  So, if you've never experienced an unplanned pregnancy (as I have not) step outside yourself.  Imagine you are now facing that.  Would you rather be met with judgment and condemnation, or love and compassion?

At times I've felt looked down upon for choosing domestic infant adoption.  I've heard people say, "Why wait on a list for a newborn, when there are hundreds of thousands of kids waiting in foster care in our own country, and even more in orphanages abroad?"  My answer to that would have to be that choices made in growing one's family are deeply personal.  It took many years, and we wholeheartedly believe that this was what God had for us.

I've been doing a lot of thinking on open adoption over the past few days.  We are part of a semi-open adoption.  I have been so blessed to see the healing begin to take place in Emma's birthmom's life.  I'm not saying that the whole thing is easy for her.  I know she misses Emma.  I know at times she grieves the fact that Emma is not in her everyday life.  But she has also expressed to me that she does not regret her decision.  Oh how that blesses this adoptive mama's heart.

Recently I read an exchange between Emma's birthmom and some of her friends on facebook, and all I could do was cry.  I don't know for sure what her stand was on abortion previous to now.  However she was expressing how she would like to see abortion become illegal, and that adoption was the way to go.  She shared a bit of her adoption experience.  She outed herself on facebook.  Before this she had kept her pregnancy with Emma and the whole adoption on the down-low.  Only a select few in her life knew.  Now she is ready to spread the word about the beauty that can be found in adoption!  As I reflected on these thoughts today... not to toot our own horns, but... well... Mark and I are going to have to take a little credit there.  Follow my logic for a moment.  We have taken great care to do everything we can to provide the best possible adoption experience we can for Em's birth parents.  This is not to say that it has been easy for them, or that we have done everything perfect.  However, we have stayed true to our promises as far as our openness agreement.  We have shown love and care for them.  We will always honor and respect them in our home as the people who chose life for our daughter.  I don't want our attitude or actions to ever make them regret their decision.

I'm certainly not trying to infer that we did some great and noble thing in adopting Emma.  It couldn't be further from the truth.  Our motives were quite selfish.  We wanted a child.  Adoption vehicle God used to add a child to our family.  I think the "savior complex" in adoption is a slippery slope.  Children don't need saved.  They need FAMILIES and love!

I'm also not trying to suggest that everyone is called to adopt.  But that doesn't mean you can't make a difference.  You can financially support, and/or volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center.  You can help someone who is called to adopt.  There are many ways.

So I am left wondering, which truly has a larger impact on someone considering abortion... The words of a woman who chose an adoption plan for her baby and doesn't regret it, or the judgmental looks, and condemnation from someone holding a sign outside an abortion clinic?

So those are the thoughts I've been thinking.  It's now 2 am.  I really should go to sleep soon.  Stupid daylight savings...

Thoughs I've been thinking...

I don't know if there's a point to this post, but I'm going to post it.  It's just some thoughts I've been thinking.  Let me start with this.  I don't like to debate.  I know this may very well spark some debate (if anyone sees it).  But I'm going to say it anyway. I guess sometimes I've got to get a little uncomfortable.


A high school friend posted on facebook over the weekend about finding an african american doll was on clearance at Target, while it's caucasian counterpart was not.  My initial reaction was to share her frustration.  I wanted to think it was some ugly commentary of corporate America.  However the more I thought of it... it speaks more of us as a society than it does Target.

I simply can't fault Target.  Target is practicing simple economics.  A company purchases items to sell in their store.  They are out money until that item sells.  They don't want items sitting on their shelves for months on end.  They want to sell it and get their investment back (plus the obvious profit that keeps them in business).  If an item goes too long without selling, they are going to focus on recovering their investment into that item (clearance!!) and open that shelf space up for something that will make them a quicker and or better profit.

It's really no different than the stroller I bought last month.  I searched Amazon for the brand and model I was looking for.  The red one was $30 cheaper than the other colors.  Does that mean that amazon hates red?   No.  It means that color is discontinued, or not moving as well as the others.

So if if an evil corporation isn't the problem, who gets the blame here?  I guess we do.  How many of us have purchased a brown skinned doll?  Have you?  Until I became the parent of a bi-racial child, I can honestly say I hadn't.  I didn't have them as a child.  Then again, I live in rural, predominately white Idaho.  This doesn't mean I think everyone is some sort of big racist.  I think it's only natural for us to look for something we can easily relate to--especially in purchasing a doll for a little girl.  Emma received a couple of soft, plush "my first baby dolls" as gifts.  But when it came time for me to buy a doll for her, I looked at the plush cabbage patch.  I looked for one with brown hair, brown eyes, aaaaaaaand a nice creamy latte tan skin.  It looks like her.  It's relatable. (I can't figure out the spelling of that word, maybe it isn't a word--did I just make it up??)

What's worse than a clearance doll, and I think what initially came to my mind when I read the facebook post was adoption fees.  I know this doesn't jump into the minds of people who haven't been directly involved in adoption, but did you know that some adoption agencies reduce fees to place african american children for adoption?  It's horrible.  Or, at least it sounds horrible.  Then again, it can be argued that the same rules of supply and demand apply.  The fact is, there are less people willing to accept placement of a child from outside their own race, making it more difficult to place children of minority races.  Once again, I'm outraged at first thought.... and then upon further examination, the blame falls in the same place.  Us. Society.


I'm not trying to push my views on anyone, or condemn those who chose to adopt from the same race.  It's just some food for thought.  Our daughter is bi-racial.  Most people who look at her don't see it, but we have to be much more deliberate with respect to race in our parenting.

No one has asked, but I'm sure someone is wondering... so I'm just going to say it.  Our agency did not offer reduced fees for trans-racial placements.  God just chose her for our family.  Oh, and I went to Target today in search of the deal on the brown-skinned baby doll to buy for my girl, but it was already gone.  I'm glad someone bought it!

The Great Playhouse Build of 2011--Details

I'm jumping all over with the building lately.  I've been working on some of the details lately.  They are things I can get done relatively quickly, and with Em nearby.  I'm definitely on the downhill side of this project.  Getting excited to get it finished and let Em play in it!

framed chalkboard on inside wall

a little closet for little dress-up clothes under the top storage stair.

The Great Playhouse Build of 2011--Bring on the STORAGE!

So one of my big justifications reasons for building this playhouse bed now as opposed to later was storage.  I want somewhere that Em will be able to play in her room, and a place to put the spare bed that will eventually become her big girl bed when she is a big girl, and a place for toy and clothing storage.  Today I began working on the storage aspects of the project.  It's all starting to come together.  There will be a small set of shelves that face outside, and a small set that face the inside.

Please note

Please note, the levitating baby is gone.  She was supposed to be sitting by the hill.  Now she's sitting in the road. 

The Great Playhouse Build of 2011--it's HUGE!

Since my last post, I have completed the assembly of the remaining rails and walls.  Those walls have been assembled in Emma's bedroom.  This thing is HUGE!  I measured everything out in her bedroom long before I started building.  I measured correctly.  I knew it would be large.   But the real life thing bed seems so much bigger than I imagined. I had a moment of panic.  But I'm warming back up to it.

Now that the walls of the playhouse are together, I now will work on the storage aspects I have planned for the playhouse.  In the next couple of days, I plan on getting a bookshelf built.  Then the storage stairs.  After those things are built, it's all about the icing!!

So here are some pictures of the progress.

The walls are up and painted.

The window frame and shutters.

frame and shutters painted and installed--and begging for a window box

playhouse front with door frame and window, and trim installed--and the window box that window was begging for

side by side view--look at what a difference the details make!

The Great Playhouse Build of 2011--we have walls

Well, a couple of them anyway.

I woke up early this morning.  Emma did not.  Emma usually doesn't.  Now that I'm home full time, this works well for me.  I'm not a morning person.  But since I was up, I decided to get to work in the garage.  I had thought about painting the rails that I have built.  But The more I thought about it, I decided to go ahead and finish out a couple of walls.  The plan is now to build the whole playhouse, dry fit it in the room, then take it back out to the garage and paint it and bring it back to her room and do the final assembly.

So, today while Em slept in this morning, and then again while she napped this afternoon I got the back wall, and the two side walls of the stairway.  I have the front wall and rail to build, and the end wall and rail.  I'm well past half done--with the building at least. 

side wall of stairs-with modification so the window is not blocked.

side wall and back wall

both stairway walls built.

I will probably not have any progress on it for a few days.

Thoughts on the blog header

A couple of months ago I did a bit of a blog remodel.  I made the background and header from scratch.  I did more changes, but messed something up and had to throw them out.  I never re-did the changes.  But that is neither here nor there. 

So, the blog header...  Hubby said it looks like Emma is levitating.  She is meant to look like she is sitting in the grass.  What do you think??

The Great Playhouse Build of 2011--not much new to report

I've been a bit under the weather for a couple of days, so I haven't made much progress in the Great Playhouse Build of 2011. But after Em went to sleep tonight, I got out and got quite a few cuts done. Nothing really picture worthy since my blog post a few days ago. But hopefully things will start taking a bit more shape in the next couple of days!

Tomorrow I hope to put some paint on the 3 rails that are assembled.  My dad will be giving me a bit of a doweling tutorial sometime soon for the remaining two rails.  I may just have this thing together in the next couple of weeks.  I think a good few days of work would suffice if I weren't working around the schedule of a toddler.  But my job is to be with Emma.  No better job in the world :)

Teeth!!!

Ugh... anyone have some great teething advice for the 2 year molars. That's right, I said 2 year molars! Emma prefers to do teething in spurts. She will go a couple of months with no activity, and then WHAM! Get 6 teeth in a few weeks. Since around Christmas time, all 4 canine teeth have broken through, bringing her up to 16 teeth.

This week she has whined throughout the night EVERY night. I noticed she was chewing on her finger a lot. I can't get my finger back to the back molars, for long without getting bit HARD by SHARP new teeth, but I'm pretty sure I felt some bumpies back there. Nothing cutting through yet though. Poor girl. I did some reading and the molars of course are always the hardest, and it's often worse at night because they aren't busy and distracted. She didn't fuss much with her first molars. I just don't know what to do to help her at night. I got her some teethifiers. But those won't help while she's trying to sleep. One of the teethifiers is pretty funky looking, but she seems to really like it.

Some Video Fun

Here is some random video. Emma is at such a fun age. She's also developing a bit of sassy attitude... But she's still fun! I thank God everyday that I get to be in her life!

The Great Playhouse Build of 2011--getting started

I didn't get very far in my year in review, did I? I'm still going to... I have a way of over extending myself. I did a lot of that around Christmas. I did projects galore. There's another project that's been stewing in my head for months. I took the leap this week and started it. It's probably going to take several weeks for me to finish. From this point forward, this project will be known as The Great Playhouse Build of 2011.

So this past fall I was introduced to Ana-White.com  I LOVE Ana-White.com  I've done several small projects, and I've posted pictures of some of them here.  Right around the time I started following her website, Ana posted plans for a Playhouse Loft Bed with Storage Stairs. 

 Before you even go there--yes, I know Emma is far too young for a loft bed.  I've tried to convince myself to wait a few years to build this.  But I can't get it out of my mind!  So I've rationalized reasoned with myself and came up with this.  Emma's bedroom used to be the spare room, with a spare bed.  I set up the nursery while we were in the home study process last year.  I had no idea when we would become parents, so I incorporated the spare bed into the nursery decor.  The bed came in handy throughout her first year during her sleepless nights, so one of us could care for her on one side of the house, and the other could sleep in relative peace on the other side of the house.  There was also the occasional co-sleeping when she was having a bad night.  Now, however, she will have nothing to do with that.  If someone is in her room with her, that must mean it's playtime!  If someone is laying down next to her they must be climbed!  It becomes a game--defeating the purpose of trying to settle her and get some sleep for the both of us.

Our living room is becoming over-run with Emma's toys.  With the crib, dresser, rocking chair, and spare bed in her room, there isn't room for much else.  Her changing table is in the closet just to save on space.  The logical thing to do would be to remove the spare bed, right?  But what do I do with it?  I really don't want to store it in the garage or shed.  I don't care how well I wrap it, I think that's asking for mice or some other nastiness to ruin the bed.  It's a nice mattress.  I really don't want to get rid of it.  Then if I get rid of it, in a couple of years when she's ready for a big bed, then we have to go buy a new mattress.  I hate to do that when we have a perfectly good one now!  (Can you hear the rationalizing reasoning?)

So, she can't use the loft bed now, but she can certainly use the playhouse, right?  And I can store the mattress in the loft of the playhouse.  Sounds like a plan, right?  This is what I've convinced myself.  I don't know why this has been occupying so much of my mind.  I really don't.  It keeps me awake at night.  I must build it.  Then I get ideas.  To save floor space in her room, I'm going to cut out on the end and slide her dresser under it, and build it into the piece.  Then next to that, I can do a little bookshelf.  We have nowhere for storing books right now.  The plans are for a twin size bed, but the mattress we have is full size.  So that requires some modification of the plans.  Because the whole thing is wider, I'm going to add a 4th step to the storage stairs.  Instead of making it a 36 deep flip up storage, I'm going to instead make it a little closet from the inside of the playhouse... maybe for putting dress-up clothes.  Emma loves doors these days.  So I'm going to put a little half door on the front.  I think she'll love it!  I read someone else who built it said she hung little white lights on the inside of it.  Doesn't that sound fun?  I'm thinking maybe rope light.  Oooh, and I'm picturing little shutters next to the window (although I'm not sure there will be room--the window will have to be smaller to make room for the dresser.)  Oh, and a little windowbox with fake flowers.  I have JUST the flowers.  Many many moons ago, like maybe 10 years ago, I was in Bath and Bodyworks.  In the clearance bin they had some super-cute flat metal flowers.  I think they were from a display or something.  I bought several of them hoping to put them in my little girl's room someday.  I'm going to have to dig those out and see if I can make them work.  See what I mean?  I've been stewing about this for months!

I'm guessing this project is going to cost about $250.  That sounds like a lot.  That is a lot.  Ana's website used to be called Knock-Off Wood.  The reason for this is that most of her plans are knock-offs of other way more expensive pieces.  When Ana was making the plans, she used a Pottery Barn bed for inspiration.  From what I can find, Pottery Barn no longer sells the bed, but it looks like it was $1099 plus $175 for delivery, and it didn't have the storage stairs!  Isn't that crazy??  Yowsa!  What I'm making will be far more custom.

So here's what I've accomplished so far.  Friday I painted the 1/2 the wainscot in her room.  I wanted to do it soon, and decided I should do it before I start putting the playhouse in there.  I dislike painting!  I've purchased a fair amount of the lumber.  Because of the $ involved, I'm purchasing things in stages instead of all at once.  The work I do on this has to be around Emma's schedule. So pretty much while she is sleeping, or when Mark is home and not otherwise occupied.  I do need to work on limiting it to mostly while she is sleeping though.  Friday night I started on the shortest segment of the railing.  That was another modification I made-I decided I wanted higher railing around the bed.  I may regret this later when it comes time to change sheets... 

Here is Emma testing the strength of my construction.  It's rotated sideways here, so it looks like more of a ladder than a railing, but you get the idea.

 Once I had the visual of the shortest segment of railing, I felt confident in cutting the rest of the rail slats.

Gotta love the safety equipment--I got myself some rockin' cool safety glasses!

Then I got the longest segment of railing done--the back wall.  I'm pleased with my progress this weekend.  I don't know that I'll do any work on it tomorrow.  Monday I hope to get some more railing built, and painted.  The playhouse is built one wall at a time.  So I'm hoping that I can do most of the painting in the garage, and bring it in and only have to do minor touchup once it's fully assembled.

Year in Review - February

Emma girl is still keeping us up at night.  Last weekend we gave up, and decided to make use of the awake time, and went to Wal-Mart at 1:30 am.  She was finally asleep by the time we got home.  She’s had a crazy appetite again, but I’ve noticed it drop off a bit in the last few days.  She’s REALLY grown this last month.  I took her for her 4 month well-baby visit on January 25, and she was just under 14 pounds.  She had crossed 2 lines on the growth chart in both height and weight.  She’s now pretty much right in the middle.

This month also brought her first cold.  I took her to the doctor on Feb 1, and she had gained 2/3 of a pound since the week before!  They said her lungs sounded great, and her ears were clear.  It was just a virus and it had to run its course.  I called after a week and they said to bring her back in.  Same thing, great lungs, clear ears, let it run its course.  Another week later we were back at the doctor.  This time we left with a prescription for amoxicillin.  She seems to be doing better, but has spent most of the month sleeping in the baby swing to keep her more upright.  In those 3 weeks, even being sick, she gained almost 2 pounds.  I’ve noticed that her clothes are starting to get a bit snug on her.  It's finally time to pull out the 3-6 month clothes, and even some of the 6-9.  She’s a growing girl!

She still doesn’t sit up unassisted for more than a couple of seconds before tipping over.  But really when given the opportunity to sit up, she generally makes her body stiff so that she can stand.  That’s where the action is.  She LOVES to stand up.  She holds pretty much all of her own weight, she just needs balance.  She’s starting to teethe.  Anything she gets her hands on (bib, clothes, blankets, toys, my clothes, my hair, etc) goes into her mouth in a flash.  She loves to suck on wash cloths.  She’s now eating oatmeal baby cereal, sweet potatoes, carrots, and pears.

Emma loves to smile and giggle.  She loves kisses and snuggles.  She doesn’t like it when she thinks she is alone.  She still yells a lot, but it doesn’t all sound mad now.  She likes to “sing” along with music, and she enjoys when we sing to her.  She still loves her bath time, but tolerates showers with me when we are in a hurry.

Year in Review - January

Because of the long blogging absence, I'm going to be doing a series of "Year in Review" posts about what has been going on in our lives over the last year.  As part of our open adoption agreement we send monthly update letters to our adoption agency to be given to Emma's birth parents should they want an update.  In January I started keeping copies of those.  (Why oh why didn't I keep them all along?)  I also keep all of our digital photos of Em divided up by month for easier backing up.  So hopefully the year in review won't be a huge task :)

January - 2010

New Years day brought Emma’s first giggle.  It was so sweet!  We were in a hotel in Boise, I was getting her ready for bed, and kissing on her cheeks and neck and she let out a giggle.  I did it again a couple of times, and she giggled too.  She didn't do it again for several weeks after that. 

She found her thumb.  It's SO sweet!!  She has started realizing she has control of her hands, and is reaching out to grasp things.  She puts her bib in her mouth all the time.  She loves to make spit bubbles.  She can sit up with assistance, and stay up without assistance for a few seconds before falling over.  She hasn’t had much interest in rolling over yet, but when she’s lying on her back, she’ll kick and kick until she’s almost turned herself in a circle.  She doesn’t mind tummy time as much as she used to.  She doesn’t enjoy it at all, but she tolerates it.  She enjoys kisses and snuggles.

I’m guessing she had a growth spurt recently.  It seemed she had a hollow leg, and we couldn’t get enough food down her!  During that time, she tried oatmeal baby cereal for the first time.  She didn’t know what I was doing to her, and she didn’t like it, but within a couple of days she got the hang of it.  She’s now eating it with sweet potatoes mixed in.  I weighed her to have info for our 4 month post placement visit.  She weighed 13.2 pounds, and was 24 inches long.

Silly little girl recognizes the camera now, and doesn't care one bit for it.  I think it's because she knows the flash is coming...  She can have the biggest smile on her face, but when she sees the camera she gets the "deer-in-the-headlights" look.  So many pictures this month she has the same sober expression on her face.

Can we build it? YES WE CAN!

I've become a HUGE fan of Ana-White.com formerly known as Knock Off Wood.  Ana is a stay at home mom who has started creating DIY furniture plans. She has a huge variety of hundreds of different plans.  Many items are Pottery Barn inspired.

I'm a fairly handy person.  I'm crafty.  I love to create.  Whether it's from wood, paper, camera, computer, fabric, yard... you get the idea.  So Ana's site is right up my alley.  I've built a few basic things before, and Mark and I built our fence in our back yard.  I love DIY projects.

 It's a dirty job... But I love it! 

My first project was this set of stacking cubes.  I'm a bit of a perfectionist.  They are not perfect.  So I got a little discouraged, and distracted.  They are close to being finished, but they are in the garage... There will be five total cubes.  One stack of two and one stack of three.

My next project was a step stool for Emma.  She isn't getting a lot of use out of it yet.  It has built in storage under the top step.  She loves to open and close it.  I have used it to get her closer to the sink to wash her hands.  I can see it being more useful in the future though.  I still need to decorate it.

Then I decided on the next project.  (Are you getting that I'm out of control here?) I made a table that was a modification/combination of a couple of different Ana plans. I made it smaller so Emma can use it now.  I'm very happy with how it turned out.  She really likes it.

I'm going to make another chair for her and modify it so there are arms on the chair to help keep her from falling over.  I've got the lumber in the garage, just need to get out there and build it!

I have a funny story about the paint.  Now that we are a one income family, budget is very important.  I'm going to be redecorating Em's room to be pink and brown.  I had a gallon of white paint that I bought on clearance last year for something else, then didn't end up using it.  Then last month I was browsing the "oops" paint at Home Depot (an Ana White recommendation) and saw a pint of red paint.  I didn't have anything to make with the red paint, but hey, it's $1.00 and she's always talking about mixing up her own crazy custom colors, so why not?  So, think back to your elementary days... what do red and white make?  You got it!  PINK!!
I mixed up the paint for that table with my red and white paint in a pickle jar and stirred it with a chop stick.  Some times ya gotta make due with what you have.  I think it turned out quite well!!

My current project is a Christmas gift.  Since the recipient is too young to be reading blogs, I can talk about it here (as long as her mom doesn't show her a picture).  It's a doll bed.  The plans for this bed are modeled after the most downloaded plan from Ana's website, The Farmhouse Bed.  I must admit, it's very cute.  I may have to make myself a farmhouse bed.  This one is still a work in progress.  I built it today.  I still have to sand, fill holes, sand again, prime and paint.  It will be painted "Pickle Jar Pink." Then I will make bedding for it.  I believe I have scraps of fabric so the quilt will be free.  I have foam for a mattress.  It's designed for an 18" doll. So she can use it for awhile.  This gift will have a large investment of time, but not much money at all.  I think that makes it even more special.  I'll try to remember to post a picture when it's complete.