Released!?!?

We had a wonderful appointment today with our RE. We saw the baby as soon as he stuck in the magic wand (ultrasound probe). He didn't have to point it out to me, I KNEW, and I saw the heartbeat right away. That is really what I was hoping for. Baby Bean measured 8w0d, and we are 8w3d, so a little small, but nothing to worry about. He said everything looked perfect, well attached. Heart rate was 176 b/m. He pointed out a little arm and a little leg. He gave me a weaning schedule for my meds. If I can bring myself to pull out the scanner this weekend, I'll post the u/s pictures. If not, I'll scan them Monday at work.

I'm now released from the RE, to go to a regular OB/GYN!! This is totally uncharted territory for us.

I say all of this with excitement, and at the same time my heart is heavy for the ladies I know and love with arms that long to be filled. We have been on this road for a long time, and I know ladies who have been on it longer. But duration doesn't determine the pain. Infertility hurts. Period. While this blog may be changing in it's content, the pain of infertility is still there, lingering in the background. I'm sad that I have friends who will no longer feel comfortable visiting here as often as they used to, because of the sting. I know you are happy for me, but that it hurts your heart. That's OK. I understand well. I don't even know for sure who I'm talking to, but you do, and so does God, so I will be praying.

Wonderful quiet long weekend

Mark and I were both off for the long weekend. We spent a few hours with each of our families on Thursday, and Friday ventured out to Costco. We bought a new DVD player for a really good deal, but that was really about it. Friday I decided that we didn't bring home enough Thanksgiving leftovers, so we made our own mini feast of our favorites. Ham, stuffing, mashed potatoes and green bean casserole. The last cooking we did for the weekend :) Friday evening we went out, stopped at Starbucks and got a Carmel Apple Cider, (yummmmy!) and drove around to find a good parking spot to watch "Christmas in the Nighttime Sky." It's a local tradition we've never taken part in, but I think we will make it a tradition. The business that puts this on hosts a Potato/Chili dinner that is free with a new toy donation, then they have a beautiful fireworks display with Christmas music. We decided to have our own dinner, and view from the warmth of the car. Partly because we just didn't want to mess with being bussed to the location, etc, and partly because I think Mark is afraid the baby will get cold if I'm outside too long. :) This kid is well insulated in LAYERS AND LAYERS of fat! Mark is taking great care of us though.

We did venture out a few times this weekend, but the majority of the weekend has been spent lounging around. Thankfully the bleeding has stopped, and is only occasional spotting. Usually once or twice per day. I'm very anxious for our next ultrasound. Hopefully there will be a lot more to see this time!

Lady did her share of lounging. She's sleeping next to me right now. She's been dreaming a BUNCH this weekend. She's running in her sleep right now. Both yesterday and today she woke me up with her muffled sleep-barking. I think it's cute.

Well, it's time for me to get some sleep. I had a nap this afternoon. That is the only thing that has enabled me to be awake this late. Goodnight. Thanks for all of you who were checking in on me.

The last couple of weeks

The last couple of weeks have been both eventful and uneventful. Let me explain. With my last post, I was very excited to tell you all of the fantastic increase in my hcg beta. I didn't anticipate anything to update you with until my ultrasound appointment on Friday, November 21.

Last Wednesday while I was at work, I used the restroom, and noticed some spotting. It reminded me so much of how last year's miscarriage started. I was terrified. I called and spoke to a nurse at my clinic who did her best to reassure me. It's very normal. It happens in one in four pregnancies. Reduce activity and increase fluid intake. Call if I'm filling a pad in an hour. The unfortunate thing about the speech is that it is the same one I received last year as I miscarried, so I was able to find very little comfort in it. I went to work for 2 hours on Thursday, and the spotting continued, so I went home again for the day, and notified them I would be gone all day Friday. I came home and rested Thursday for the rest of the day. That seemed to be the end of the spotting. I fully expected more Friday after the ultrasound. (I knew the ultrasound would be via the magic wand, which can agitate things in there). But I escaped Friday with NO spotting. Must have been a fluke thing.

We had the ultrasound Friday. The purpose of this was to determine how many of the 3 embryos transferred actually attached, and to verify that they were in the correct place. I could not see a THING on the ultrasound. He had to do some searching, but found one little bean, snug where it should be. It was very tiny, and he said he could see the heartbeat. I saw a little bit of movement, but I would never have pointed that out as a heartbeat. However, this guy was the expert, so we're going to go with his opinion on it!

Saturday morning I lounged around a bit, and did a some ironing. I tried on several outfits, and decided what I would wear to Mark's company Christmas Party later that afternoon. Before you start with the comments, I KNOW! It's EARLY for a Christmas Party. I didn't plan it, I was just planning to attend. I went to the restroom, and what I saw was far beyond spotting. I went into total panic mode. I quickly went to bed, where I spent the remainder of the weekend. The bleeding lasted several hours. Mark really needed to attend this party for work. There were several reasons, one of them being he is management, another is that he had a portion of the gifts to be handed out at the party. I called my mom, to let her know what was going on, and she insisted on coming over. She stayed with me until Mark got home.

She prayed for me several times. Before the end of the weekend there were hundreds of people all over the country, and some around the world praying for us. Thankfully the bleeding stopped that evening. I had spotting for several more days. Today seems to be in the clear, but my family insists on keeping me on light duty. That's OK, I'll do whatever I can to keep this little been snug where it needs to be!

Next ultrasound will be in a couple of weeks. We should see a very clear heartbeat (I'm thinking Mark and I should be able to identify it) and maybe arms and legs! I'm excited for that one. I just want to get through this scary first tri stuff!

Thank you to those of you out there who already knew most of this, and were praying for us. Your prayers were appreciated and effective!

Major Praise!!

I had another beta hcg test today. Monday's level was 333. For today we needed to see a minimum of 650-ish, but we were hoping for more in the 1000 range. Oh me of little faith was just expecting the 600's, but God amazed me once again.

My hcg today was 1236!! I'm in awe. So much more than I hoped for. We were praying for at least 1000.No more beta tests now. Next step is an ultrasound in a couple of weeks. She gave me a due date of July 14. I had already figured that, but it was nice to have it confirmed.

I pulled out my work calendar, and compared the beta numbers from my previous pregnancy last year that ended in miscarriage. My hcg was 59 at the same time that now it is 1236. Thankfully we're way ahead of that.

Thank you to all of you who pray for us!

What a difference a week makes...

I haven't updated in awhile, and this is LONG one... so skip to the picture now if you don't want to read it! :)

The long version:

We had a frozen embryo transfer (FET) with donor embryos (known to those in favor of embryonic stem cell research as "medical waste" - but that's a rant for another day) on October 24th. My first blood test (beta hcg) was on November 1, 8 days past transfer. My blood tests are almost always same day results. They warned me ahead of time that this wouldn't be. I had a repeat test on Monday, November 3. They said they would compare both results and give them to me at the same time. I was talking to someone that day and telling them I think this is a great idea if it's positive, but if it's negative, I think it's more hurtful. It's an unnecessary stick with the needle, and dragging things out longer than necessary. Oh how little I know!

I took the day off work Monday the 3rd. I didn't want to be anticipating the phone call all day while at work. The other side of that is with our last transfer I had an all out temper tantrum when I got the a negative result. Best not to be kicking, screaming and bawling at work. Call me crazy!

I went to the hospital lab right shortly after they opened at 7:00 am. I had taken a couple of home pregnancy tests over the weekend and they were negative. I was pretty sure that it was negative. And already trying to figure out where we could get the money to do another transfer next year. Barb, the lady who draws my blood most of the time is so sweet! I know she prays for me when she does the draw. (As a side note, it was a different lady who did my blood draw on Saturday the 1st, and she prayed for me too, and I didn't know her! Isn't it cool how God puts people in our paths!?) I asked Barb how long it usually takes for them to send the results to my doctor's office, she said they are typically done within the hour. So I decided to go to work for an hour. I knew it was going to be a crazy busy day for them being short handed. Then I went home to wait. Lunchtime came and Mark asked if I'd heard anything yet. Nope :( He asked if I had taken a home pregnancy test. I told him no, why waste it? But then I got impatient, so I decided to go pee on a stick. We got the wrong pregnancy test, and these were to be used after the first day of a missed period (some can be used as early as 4 days earlier). It showed negative really quick. I tucked it under the counter because I'd told Mark I wasn't going to waste it.

Mark returned to work for the afternoon, and I continued my wait. I went to retrieve the home pregnancy test from under the counter. I took one last glance before I tossed it in the trash. To my great surprise, there was the faintest second line. It was one that I had to look at it in a bright light, and at the right angle, and kind of squint just right. But there appeared to be something there. The only problem with this is results are only reliable if read in the first 10 minutes. So it could have been an what's called an evap line. So I grabbed my phone and my purse and headed out to the nearest grocery store. I didn't like their selection, and they were SO expensive. I really wanted an EPT, or First Response Early Response. So I decided to head across town to Target.

I decided to splurge on an EPT digital. I thought about it, and couldn't decide if I had 5 seconds worth of pee in me, and I couldn't wait ANY longer to take this test. So I grabbed a package of paper cups, went through the checkout and headed to the bathroom. Yes, I'm admitting this. you read correctly. I took my home pregnancy test in the bathroom at Target. I was correct, I didn't have 5 seconds worth of pee, so I'm glad I used the cup. I sat there while the little digital screen flashed a little hour glass for what seemed like an eternity. I'm sure it was only a couple of minutes. This is what I saw:

It's a blurry picture taken with my cellphone, and have no fear, I didn't take it in the bathroom, it was in my car right after I left the bathroom, but it says PREGNANT!!

I decided to go get a Cherry Limeaide from Sonic and take it to Mark. I took the drink in to Mark at work. He asked if I'd gotten the call yet. I told him no. So at this point he thought the drink was the only reason I was there. He walked me out to my car like he normally does, and when we got to the car I pulled the test out of my pocket. I was so excited to tell him. While we were there in the parking lot I got the call. It was a mixed bag as far as the results go. Saturday's result was an hcg level of 2. Anything under 5 is considered not pregnant. Monday's result was 29! That's a great increase in just 2 days, but we are off to a low and slow start. I was glad for a positive, but it reminded me so much of my low and slow betas with Gabe when that lead to a miscarriage. Oh, and that part I mentioned earlier about not liking how they did the 2 draws before giving me results. They know more than I. Because if we went off the first results it would have been considered negative, and I would have stopped taking my meds, which in my opinion, would have meant a certain miscarriage. But the second results were a certain positive.

Since then I've had 2 more betas. At this stage of pregnancy, hcg levels should double AT LEAST every 48 to 72 hours. My test on Wednesday was 51. So not quite a double, but within range. I had another today, and it increased to 333! That calculates to doubling every 44.3 hour since the previous test. The total hcg is still on the low end of the spectrum for where it should be at this stage, but it's increasing appropriately. I will have another draw later this week, and we need to see at least 600 then, but we are hoping for closer to 1000. 1000 would send me over the moon!

What a difference a week makes. Last week I was sure it was negative, today the outlook is so much different! We are excited and hoping and praying this is our take-home baby(babies).

Hello big cruel world

Well, I left the safety of my cozy home today to go back into the big cruel world. No more bedrest, it was back to work today. I did good. I followed directions. I didn't lift anything I shouldn't. I was pooped when I got home even though work wasn't terribly busy. I need to venture out to Walmart. I can't decide if I should do it tonight or another night.... hmmmm..... the big decisions in life!

No news is good news

Well, I'm taking the "no news is good news" approach. I went in for my blood work at 7 am this morning, the results were to be STAT. My clinic only calls on blood work if there is a problem, and the doses need to be changed. I called the pharmacy today and they said they were sorry about the outdated medication, and they would mix up some new ones for me. These don't expire until April. MUCH better! I've had some cramping today. Not sure if that's good bad, or gas ;) I've been enjoying taco soup this week.

My mom brought over dinner today and cleaned the kitchen. I thought she was just going to load the dishwasher. She did more, and I'm embarrassed. My stove looks great!

Pictures

Human Life, in it's nearly smallest form! These are day 3 embryos. I'm not sure exactly how many cells they have, but aren't they beautiful. Two cells join, become one, and then quickly begin the process of dividing. This is a picture of the embryos that were placed inside me on Friday. These are our babies!! The ultrasound picture is them being placed. It's surreal watching the ultrasound screen as the tube is guided into position. The little bright spot in the middle of he screen is where they were placed. The big black area at the top is my VERY FULL bladder!

Prayer request

Please pray for my progesterone levels. I will have a blood test tomorrow to make sure everything is OK. I have been on progesterone in oil injections since Tuesday. I'm not concerned about that (other than they hurt and leave bruises). The day of transfer I started another form of progesterone. Because this blog may be read by mixed company, I won't say exactly how the progesterone is administered, I'll tell you it isn't by shot or by mouth, and leave the rest to your imagination, and that should get you in the ball park. Anyway, this other form of progesterone comes from a local compounding pharmacy. Meaning they mix up the medication there at their pharmacy. I picked up all of my medications at the beginning of this cycle, on September 30. I didn't need all of the medications at that time, but I just wanted to save myself several trips to the pharmacy. So Friday night I went to use the progesterone. The box is labeled to discard after 10/20/08! OH NO! This is on 10/24 that I discovered it. I called the pharmacy the next day. (Oh, I should mention, I filled this from the prescription written on 10/24/07 in preparation for our previous FET, so I can't even get a refill). The pharmacist tells me the labels are computer generated, and the mediation should be fine. I called the clinic and talked to an on call Nurse Practitioner. She said the medication should be fine, but for peace of mind she called in a new prescription. I sent Mark to pick it up. He brings it home, hands it to me for verification. This one says.... get this.... "Discard after 8/15/08" I'm furious. How hard it this? I've never had trouble with this pharmacy before. Then I realized, I can't be furious. I'm not allowed. I'm on vacation. I'm on the beach. I'm chillin. I'm making a happy place for babies. But for crying out loud!

My required bed rest is 2-4 days. I'll be up more than I'd like to be tomorrow. Please pray my blood work comes back just right. And that none of this causes any problems with the babies. There is a lot of time, effort, emotion, energy, money, not to mention HUMAN LIVES involved here. I don't want any of that in jeopardy because of a stupid expired medication.

We're home....

and I'm on Princess Status. We arrived home several hours ago, but I've been sleeping off the Valium. Everything went beautifully, and we currently have 3 babies on board. He said that on average each one has a 20-25% chance. They thawed one "straw" that had 3 embryos and all of them looked good when they thawed, so that is what we went with for transfer. I'm currently on bed rest for the next several days. Mark is already doing a fantastic job of taking care of me!

We're off to see the wizard....

The wonderful wizard of Oz... Probably not the best title for a post about going to the baby doctor, but here we go. I'd love prayers for the thaw and transfer of our embryos today!

Shampoo, Lather, Rinse, Repeat..

I have been running a million miles per hour this week! Sooooo much to do. The house is about 2/3 put back together after the carpet cleaning. The carpet looks better. I still don't like the carpet, but not much I can do about that right now. At least it's not nasty ;)

It's late Wednesday as I'm writing this. The transfer is Friday. Yes, THIS Friday! As in the day after tomorrow. As in, 37 hours from now. Starting Friday I will be on Princess status. I'll be on bed rest for the first few days. Then I'll take it easy until the beta hcg blood test. I haven't had much time to be excited. I'm actually exhausted!

Monday I was on the go from 7 am to 11 pm. Tuesday was 8 am to 8 pm, then came home and worked on Uppercase Living orders. Today was 8 am to 7 pm, and I worked on a little bit of cooking and then Uppercase Living order. Tomorrow I will only work until about 1 or 2 at my regular job, but I expect more of the same. Shampoo, Lather, Rinse, Repeat... I need to take time for some rest sometime tomorrow. I don't want to feel run completely down when it comes time for transfer!

Thank you those who are praying for us! I really want this to be the one!

More needles!

As if the prescribed needles weren't enough for me over the last week, I added the flu shot, and then on Thursday, I added acupuncture! I hate needles. I should say that. I can't watch anyone give me a shot. I can't watch when they draw blood. The average mother can always bring up labor when their (usually older) child. "I was in labor for x hours with you..." I will be able to bring up needles!

This week we really pick up the pace with this treatment cycle. Yes, that includes more needles. First thing tomorrow I have a blood draw at the local hospital lab. This is to check my estrogen levels, to make sure I am still on an appropriate dose of the Tues/Friday evening shots of estridol valerate. Tuesday morning I will begin daily PIO (progesterone in oil) shots. SO NOT FUN! Tuesday I will also add two more sets of pills to the am/pm cocktail. I believe one is a steroid, and one is an antibiotic. Then Friday is the big day. We will leave bright and early in the morning for Boise. We will arrive at the clinic one hour early, and the acupuncturist I met with earlier this week will be there. He will treat me both before and after the transfer. If this one goes anything like the last, I will sleep all the way home! Good times!

I also have a very busy week other than the treatment cycle. We spent this weekend tearing the house apart to clean, and prepare to have the carpets cleaned on Tuesday. I've got an Uppercase Living Party Monday night, and hopefully 3 different parties to close and send in before Thursday. Oh, and I have to work at my normal job too!

A Winter Wonderland.... in October?

Friday we had a bit of snow during the day, but nothing that really stuck. A bit early for our area, but not unheard of. Saturday morning we woke up to a WHITE yard. Throughout the day it melted off, but was white all over again this morning. I couldn't resist snapping a few pictures!

Needles, needles everywhere!!

Last Tuesday I had my first shot for this cycle. Over the course of this treatment nonsense, Mark has gotten pretty good at the injections. I hardly felt a thing! Friday was a repeat. This one I felt a bit more, but a hot water bottle took care of that. Saturday morning, we decided to bite the bullet and go get our flu shots. We went to the "doc in the box" (walk in doctor's office) right when they opened. We were in and out in less than ten minutes! Not too bad. This one hurt worse than than the rest of my needles for the week. Tomorrow morning I will go to the hospital lab for a blood draw. This will be to check my hormone levels, to see if the dose needs to be adjusted for the injections I'm currently taking. The crazy thing of all of this is we are hoping this is the first week of about... 13 more weeks of injections. If the treatment cycle is successful, I will have to remain on them through the first trimester of pregnancy.

Other than that, I've been keeping myself busy with my Uppercase Living business. I've got quite a few parties going! I'm happy with that. I'm still spending about as much as I'm making, but hopefully I'll start turning a profit. I have a very full calendar this month between doctors appointments and UL Parties. Busy is good. Makes the time go by faster!

Here we go again!

I was going to keep this one quiet, but I'll go ahead and share the secret. We are going to have another Frozen Embryo Transfer this year! This month actually. We had a doctor's appointment yesterday to check everything out. We're off and running. Mark gave me my first estriodol injection yesterday. I wish they were all like that. The progesterone is the yucky one.... Oh how I dread it! PIO is bad stuff. But we'll get to that later.

At my appointment yesterday our coordinator Kara threw a curve at us. We have a HUGE decision to make we would love your prayers for guidance. These are human lives we are dealing with, and we want to make sure we are making the right decision!

Happy Birthday Mama Lucy...

Today would have been Mama Lucy's 52nd birthday. She's been gone longer than she was alive. Mama Lucy was my first mom. She is the one who gave me the gift of life. She died when she was just a couple of months shy of 25. I thought about it briefly today but didn't dwell on it. I'm glad. Now reflecting on it tonight I am sad. She was so young. I was so young.
She was younger when she died than I was when I got married. How crazy is that? I wish she could see the person I've grown to be. I'm far from perfect, but I'd like to think she would be proud.

Happy Birthday in heaven Mama Lucy. I'm so happy to know that I will see you again someday. Hug my babies for me!

More fun with uppercase living!

My previous post told you all about my new business with Uppercase Living. I got my first order in this week and I've been having fun! Here are some pictures of what we've done with it so far. I've got more to do, and another order coming this week. I'm excited!

Way out of date again!

My blog is way out of date again. What can I say? There are a few small things I could have been updating you about along the way.

First thing. I have started an at-home business. I have joined Uppercase Living as an independent demonstrator. UL is a company that does at-home parties selling vinyl letter and expressions. That description doesn't do it justice. You really have to see the catalog to know what I'm talking about. (My new UL website is http://kinder.uppercaseliving.net- If you find something you'd like, let me know. I can take paypal and have it shipped directly to you if you're not in my area!). I could really go crazy with this stuff. I just received my demonstrators kit this week, and I've been working on getting my stuff together and all organized. As of right now my first party is scheduled for the middle of September. There is another in the works, for September, and room for more. I don't want to become a pushy person with this stuff. The last thing I want is people to dread seeing me coming. But I do hope to make some extra money for "The Human Fund." The name for the Human Fund did come from a particular episode of Seinfeld. But our Human Fund really is for Humans ;) That's what we call our savings for infertility treatments. That brings me to the next update.

We are about half a step closer to doing treatment. I do have a tentative goal of another Frozen Embryo Transfer this year! We are still praying, and will accept a closed door if that is what God has for us, but for now we continue to move forward. Finances are still a concern (anyone want some words for their wall?) but I'm confident that if this is what God wants for us, He will provide.

Mark is doing well. He continues to sleep with his CPAP machine. We met with the sleep doctor this week, and were very pleased to find out that bottom number of his blood pressure has gone down 10 in the last month! All this from getting restful sleep at night. Who knew?? I guess I should check my blood pressure. Maybe I'm getting better sleep now too! Seriously I've slept all night each night in our bed. This hasn't happened in YEARS! It really is an exciting thing for me. One of my co-workers said that now that I'm sleeping in the same bed as my husband, maybe I will get pregnant. I hated to explain to this 60 year old woman that it's not the SLEEPING that makes babies. I guess it's been awhile since she had kids at home! Seriously though, I know way about conception than I ever wanted to. It now amazes me how much the fertile world doesn't know about conception.

More glorious sleep!

Well, it's been more than a week since Mark got his CPAP. I heard some noise last night. He was breathing in through his nose (through the mask) and out through his mouth. I got up and adjusted his mask. I don't know if it stopped him breathing through his mouth or not. He at least stopped long enough for me to fall asleep. I've now slept 9 nights in a row in our bedroom with him. This is some kind of crazy record.

I've accomplished absolutely nothing this weekend. Wait, wait, that's not true. I patched 3 pairs of Marks pants. I don't want to go telling stories on him, but he seems to have troubles with his pants at work. They like to rip on him.

In other news, I'd really appreciate your prayers. I've had a serious longing lately to go back for our embryos. I see Asian children, and think. I wonder if that's what our babies could look like. I want to do treatment again, but the finances aren't quite there. But more than that, I don't feel a clear direction. I don't know if this recent stirring in me is just my own fleshly desires, or something from God. I want to know clearly that any steps we take for our family are in His will for us. The treatment process is far too much of an physical, emotional, and financial investment to do on my own. Not to mention that we are dealing with real human lives here.