Continuing to deal

This last week has been a lot of ups and downs. I've asked God lots of questions. I haven't heard many answers yet. But sometimes the answers just aren't for us to know right now. I have no doubt God can use this for His glory. That doesn't make the journey any less painful. It just makes the pain more meaningful.

Friday was my 30th birthday. When we scheduled our transfer, I imagined telling our families of a pregnancy for my birthday, instead I got a very tangible reminder that I was in fact not pregnant. You can use your imagination with that one. OUCH! In Mark's words "Your body sure knows how to treat a lady." I kept it together throughout the day just fine, but at the end of the day, I had to let it break free. While chatting with some dear friends online I did. A sobbing bawling fit. Being 30 and childless was never in my plan. It's hard to let go of our own plans for our lives.

I don't know what is next for us. For now we will sit tight and listen for direction. We can force things to happen, but if it's not God's will, I have no doubt it will bring more pain. The desire of my heart is to give the rest of our embryos a chance at life. I must surrender their lives to God though. They aren't mine. He is the giver of life. He knows their future. We would love your prayers for direction. And I need to shut up and listen for it!