Call me inconsistent?

Well, the last couple of weeks have been filled with cleaning and packing and planning, and here we are. We're at DISNEYLAND! So exciting to me. Yesterday was a very long day. We stayed Friday night at a hotel in Boise, then Mark's sister Kayla took us to the airport. I didn't read the itenerary very well, and we had 2 stops, not just one. :( So that meant our flight here was 3 legs of a little under an hour each. Not bad, but it made for a very long day. Then when we started to get settled in our hotel room, Mark noticed he didn't have his cellphone anymore. He had remembered using it in the shuttle. Soooooo, by the grace of God, I remembered the shuttle number of our driver. I have no idea why I did, but I was able to call the phone number to the shuttle company. To make a long story a little less long, the shuttle driver drove back here and dropped off Marks phone. We gave him a fairly generous tip. (3 times the tip we gave him when he dropped us off) for bringing the phone back to us.

We checked out Disneyland a little bit last night. We didn't ride any rides, but we did eat some food :) It was a definate learning experience for us! We didn't stay for the fireworks or the parade last night. We decided to come back and go to bed early. I'm going to take the video camera in with me tonight. We're in no hurry this morning. We're going to go to breakfast and make our plan of attack for what we want to do and see.

Because of our limited time here this trip, we're just planning on going to the Disney Theme parks, but not wearing ourselves out completely.

I should be back later to post pictures.

VACATION!!!

Well, Mark found out roughly how much his comission will be next week, and we've decided to take a vacation. I'm so excited. I've been online all evening trying to find the best deal on a package. I'm such a poor decision maker. We both got some time off, so our vacation is going to happen quickly, just a little over 2 weeks from now! :) Off to do bible study now though.

Long time no see (random ramblings)

OK..... I initially created this blog to document the journey of our family. Right now that family consists of Mark and I. Little did I know at the time I started the blog how difficult that journey would be for me. So in the 13 months since my last post in the blog, I have experienced a lot of highs and lows. 5 rounds of a nasty little pill called Clomid, upwards of a couple thousand in medical bills, a BIG FAT insurance company denial, starting to decorate a nursery, and then packing it all back up again. I entered into the treatment cycles with a very naive outlook. We waited quite awhile to begin treatment, so once we started, I thought that would do the trick. That would be the end of the journey to our expanded family. It wasn't. The day I first knew our first cycle didn't work, I was devistated. Ups and downs, ups and downs for several months. Our final cycle last year was in September. I just knew it would work. That cycle, in addition to the nasty clomid, we used a procedure called IUI, where the prepared sperm are injected directly into the uterus, so the swimmers have a shorter distance to travel, and fewer obstacles to overcome. Dr L was so great, he got everything all lined up and in place, and then allowed Mark to do the injection, so that if it worked, Mark would be able to say HE got me pregnant, not the doctor. This happened to fall on the same day as my birthmom's birthday. I dreamed of conceiving a little girl that I could name after my first mom. Unfortunately that cycle was also unsuccessful. Once again I was devistated.

Several factors lead us to put further treatment on hold. The biggest were cost, and Marks desire for a break. The cost for our September cycle was right around $950 for doctor bills and medications, plus another couple hundred for travel expenses and hotel. We go to a doctor about 2 hours away. It was not until after that cycle that we found out our insurance didn't cover ANYTHING relating to infertility. So all at once we got that bill, plus a reversal of all of their other payments for the other 4 cycles! BIG BILL. Praise the LORD though, it's paid for now!

Through this break in the last 6 months I have felt like I have come to a more stable place. Part of that though, I would guess was through the building of emotional walls. I still long ot be a mom more than anything on this earth.

3 weeks ago I had LASIK surgery on my eyes. What an experience that was. I am so happy to report that I now have 20/20 vision, corrected from 20/200. Part of the warranty for that surgery requires that I wait for 3 months to get pregnant.

At this point, I'm not positive about when we will resume treatment. I'm ready now, but I'm not sure when Mark will be ready, and more importantly, I'm not sure what GOD would have us to do. I do believe that our path down the treatment road isn't going to be much longer. How that path will end, I have no idea.

About a week ago I was thinking about a dear friend who is experiencing a pregnancy after loss. Her past losses have made her understandably fearful. But because of that fear, she hasn't been able to enjoy much of her pregnancy. As I was thinking on that the thought came to me, SHE IS A MOM. Right now, at this moment, and no matter what happens in the future, she is a mom. What if I can never say that? What if I can never say I am a mom? That night, I was blessed with the most precious of dreams. I dreamt that I had a baby. When I woke up, I was so full of joy. I knew that it was just a dream, but I was a mom! That joy lasted for several days. I haven't been able to really share this with anyone yet. I can't really even explain why. I just can vocalized it yet. In thinking about this dream, I've really felt like God was speaking to me, and the dream was a gift. I feel like God is calling me to a season of preparation. For what I'm not sure of yet, I guess only time will tell.

I had a big one!

Does that title sound wrong or what? We left yesterday and went to Boise to stay overnight, because I had an 8:00 appointment at the Doctor's office. I had an ultrasound. One ovary looked just like it did last month, and the other ovary had the same little follicles, and one great BIG follicle. The doctor was very pleased with that. He gave us some options, and we chose to have me take a shot to ensure the follicle ruptures to release the egg. (The rupturing is a normal part of a woman's cycle, it's not scary like it sounds!) So now we wait.... It will be about 2 weeks, give or take a few days, before we know anything else. I'm really praying for this one. If it works, the baby will be do December 1.

Awwwww

As we were leaving Walmart yesterday, there was a very cute little Pooh umbrella stroller. It was only $13 and we couldn't resist! So we bought it. Tonight Mark and I were watching TV, and he saw the stroller in the corner. He turned to me and said, "Honey, I want a baby. Do we really have to wait 9 months, or is there a fast button?" It was just so touching to me. We decided we were ready to have kids a year and a half ago, but I think that was more at my desire than his. He has said he was ready, but never that it was really what he wanted. It just warms my heart! I really want this to work!!! Have I said that yet? We have a folicle check at the doctors office on Monday morning. So we'll go to Boise Sunday evening so we can be there for the appointment at 8:00 am.

Planning Ahead??

Well, I hope I'm not setting myself up for failure. We went to Wal-mart tonight and put a couple of things on lay-away. Namely a very, very cute Pooh playpen and a stroller/carseat/carrier combo. They had a matching swing and high chair too. But I decided we didn't need $375 in lay-away. We have 2 months to get it off of lay-away, and it is no risk, so we can get our money back. They were just on sale, so we decided to jump on it. This excites me and scares me all at once. I really want this first cycle of clomid to do the trick...

Emotional Afternoon

My mom came to visit me this afternoon at work. She told me that my sister mentioned to her that my new doctor wanted to know what type of ovarian cancer my mom died of. She then told me what hospital to call to see if they still had records. It happened to be the same building that I'm going to, to see my new doctor. It was such a flood of emotions as I sat on hold with them thinking that I'm going to the same place for infertility treatments that my mom went to for cancer treatments. I lost it at work. I HATE THAT!

Clomid Crazies have set in.

Since our first appointment I was feeling very optomistic. I haven't cried since before that appointment. (I was a bit out of control before then.)

Now tonight the crazies set in. I started crying out of the blue. No real reason. Just part of the roller coaster I guess. The folicle check ultrasound is in 6 days. We should have a little bit of a better picture then.

There has to be a balance between crying for no reason, and having my hopes up too far.

UGH!

That's It! My hopes are up.

Yesterday I was going to go use a coupon for Joann fabrics that was about to expire to get some fleece to make a blanket for one of our nephews that has a birthday coming up. While I was looking through the flyer, they had a very cute set Classic Pooh bedding patterns. So when we went into the store, Mark said he thought we should do our someday nursery in Classic Pooh, because that would work well for either a girl or a boy. I really do enjoy seeing him excited about the process. But that also helped get my hopes up even more. I really want to keep my feet grounded. This is only the first round of treatment, and it will be at least 3 weeks before we know if it worked.

Anyway, the bedding patterns were on normally $7 each (there were 4 different patterns) but they were on sale for $0.99 each, so we had to buy each of them. I also got a little bit of fabric to use on a project I've been working on this weekend. I have re-glued, and cleaned up and painted a little rocking chair I had as a child. It's now a little yellow rocking chair with a light green Classic Pooh chair pad.

Good thing I don't have my hopes up or anything. I pray this treatment works....

Roller Coaster Continues...

Well, I followed the Dr's direction and called at the first sign that one of the medications did what it was supposed to. So now in I start the 2nd medication. It's called Clomid. It's the typical first stop for infertility treatments for most couples. On March 7, we will travel back to Boise for a "folicle check" to see if that dose of Clomid did what was needed. If that is true, then we will enter "The Two Week Wait."

I really am trying not to get my hopes up too high for this round of treatment. But I really do hope this works. Our insurance doesn't cover infertility treatments, so I am a bit scared of the costs.

Our Journy Begins

Well, we have been moved into our new home for 3 months now, and as some may already know, we have decided to try to increase the size of our family. We actually decided that quite some time ago, but nature hasn't cooperated with our plans. So today we had our first appointment with a specialist in Boise. Now the journey begins. We decided on a plan with the doctor, and he precribed a couple of medications to help get things going. As I was taking the first pill, I told Mark, "This starts the rollercoaster, Hop On!!"