Anxiety

Anxiety!

Ugh, I’m starting to feel it; the anxiety. Reading through my blog entries from a couple of years ago when we first started treatment, it all came back to me, the flood of emotions, the innocent belief. So much of that innocence is lost. I was so naïve entering treatment. I thought clomid was the magic pill that was going to make all the pain go away and bring me my long desired baby. I was devastated when that didn’t work. The first morning that it was evident to me it had not worked. I could barely bring myself to get out of bed. I laid there and cried. Even though that was nearly 2 years ago, the emotions are still there, still so raw. Despite those raw emotions, I’ve found myself getting my hopes up. This upcoming cycle of treatment is a lot of time, money, and emotional investment. It’s going to take several trips to Boise. Right now I’m guessing about 4. As far as the money goes, I’m not sure we will be able to afford more than one cycle for awhile. All of this brings about anxiety. I want so badly for this to work. I hope, I want to hope, I’m scared to hope. UGH! I think much of this anxiety is hormone driven! Welcome to my world… Aren’t you glad you don’t have to spend too much time in my mind??