I took a friends advice and went to see a counselor through my company's EAP, and can I just say... God is good! I'm emotionally drained and exhausted, but glad I went. She asked why I was there, and I gave her my story. I didn't say anything about my faith at all. The only hint she may have had from my words to that end was saying something about waiting for a miracle. She told me, "There's a reason you're here today. There's a reason I had an opening so soon when you called. I really feel like that was the Lord. I'm a Christian."
That was such a load off my mind! I really wanted a christian counselor, but since I had 5 sessions through my company's program, I decided to try it out that way first. This was the first counselor on their list, and so I accepted the referral.I really feel like a bit of the load has been lifted. She even teared up a few times in the session. She ended the session hugging me and telling me I had one more person praying for me.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Today's adventure
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6 comments:
when i was in my 20's i went through a period of time when i was in constant physicl and emotional pain. i did'nt understand why it seemd that God was silent when i prayed for relief.
The only way I survived those years was that deep down inside I knew.. I knew.. that for whatever reason.. I would survive. I would be healed someday. I would live a normal life.... and yet so amny tiems I felt despsair..even thought of suicide.
I couldn't imagine living like I was ..day to day.. it was so hard.. and yet something inside of me would not give up.
I know look back on that tiem and only feel a slight memoryof the hurt and pain for now I am whole. I am so glad i didn't give up and I shudder to thik of the times when I seriously considered it.
It has been a long journey.. but GOD IS FAITHFUL. He IS NOT enjoying your pain nor is he the AUTHOR of it.
Cling to him,.. trust Him.. and follow your heart.
HE has a plan. For whatever reason he has deemed you capable of walking the path he has allowed you to walk.
If deep in yur heart somethig says .. wait.. hope.. trust.. a little longer.. listen to it. HE IS there. Allow him to comfort you. YELL SCREAM...be HONEST with him. He can take it and he knows how you feel anyway.
NEVER GIVE UP ON GOD. He will never give up on you.
Niki, not sure who Anonymous is but it looks like your journey touched her life. As Christians we feel sometimes like we are under a microscope especially in the deepest of valleys. Your faith is so strong that I know that God's timing is not far.
It sounds like your therapist was also touched by your suffering and you are surrounded by many who continue to pray for you.
Hugs and prayers
Esther
Hi. I just came across your blog for the first time today & I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I am a fellow Christian & struggle with the how/whys God allows things like this to happen. But his Word says that many are the afflictions of the righteous, but that He delivers them from all of them. He will see you through this. I went through 5 years of IF, & I would cry out to God "All I want Lord is to be a mother." The uncertainty & pain & loss of those years I know you understand well. We ended up adopting our daughter (she just turned 2 1/2)and I am posting this to give you HOPE that He will see you through this & that these events will not define the rest of your life. DO NOT believe the lies of the enemy that you are not good enough, that you are being punished for some past sin, or that God isn't real or that He has forsaken you. Stay strong & courageous dear sister!
Channe
Hugs Niki. I'm so glad you found a good counselor. That can make night and day difference. Thanks for your sweet encouragement!
Niki,
I just wanted to let you know that I continue to pray daily for you. I visited your blog for the first time after you left a comment on my blog after we lost our little girl about 4 weeks ago. I went back through and read a lot of your story and I just wanted to let you know how much it touched me. In our case, we felt God was leading us to do IVF, which was confirmed through prayer and Scripture. Everyone was telling us what a good feeling they had for us about things. God opened every door and it truly seemed like it was His way and timing. When I miscarried it was so confusing, I just couldn't understand how it could have happened. God really spoke to me through your story when I read about your embryo adoption. God led you along this path and opened every door for you and yet the outcome, like my own, was so unexpected and confusing. But what God reminded me of through your story was that His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. He has a plan and a purpose for our lives, we may not understand why some things happen, but we can trust that His plan is truly best. I hope that in some small way the knowledge that your story has ministered to someone else experiencing the same pain will be an encouragement to you. Feel free to email me anytime:
r.a.connors@hotmail.com
How is it going?
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