Women's Retreat

Mark and I both grew up in Assembly of God churches. His parents and mine both attend A/G churches. Mark and I do not. We belong to a church we love called Lighthouse Christian Fellowship. We have nothing against A/G churches, but we just felt led to the church we are a part of. My oldest sister's husband is an Assembly of God pastor. She invited my mom and I to go to women's retreat with her church.

I decided to go. The retreat is in a beautiful facility surrounded by some of God's most amazing scenery. I went with expectations. I want to be healed. It feels like my body has failed me in so many ways. We have been trying to have a baby for more than 4 years now, and my body can't even have a miscarriage the way it should! It's very frustrating. So at the end of the first night, the speaker had an alter call for women who needed a healing in their bodies. She first called for people with specific conditions, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. Then she called for anyone that wanted a healing in their body. My mom told me I had to go up. I wanted to, but didn't know if that was necessarily what I was supposed to do. I dismissed that in my mind as fear. Fear of not being healed. Fear of disappointment. So I went up. There were so many women at the altar for prayer that I had to wait for probably about an hour. When she got to me and asked what I needed prayer for, I told her between my tears about our efforts to have a baby, and our recent loss. She told me that she doesn't pray for couples to have babies. She never had a baby, and there are lots of children around for me to love on. She said she would pray for God to give us a child only if that child would make heaven it's home. She didn't pray for my body to be healed. I left that alter angry.

Later, my mom was speaking with a member of the prayer team that travels with this speaker, and she said what a great track-record the speaker has for praying for babies. Every year she has women come up to her with their miracles conceived after she prayed for them. She didn't pray for me to be healed. She didn't really pray for me to have a baby. What was I supposed to get out of that? I don't know. In the end, I think it was some confirmation of some things I needed to hear. I guess maybe I was pinning my faith on the prayers of a person, not God. How sad. :( It really isn't about me. God does have a plan, and I need to learn to wait on that plan. The rest of the retreat was good, once I got passed that. While the retreat wasn't what I had hoped for or expected, I did get some confirmations of things I needed to hear. God has given me directions. He has given me my honey-do list to work on. I just need to keep working on it. Will this bring me a baby? I don't know. I guess in the end that's not what matters. I need to be obedient. Lots of rambling here, but I'm getting my thoughts out. More on that later! With this, I'll leave you with some more pictures.